I will. Not.

I often wonder why we humans choose what we choose. There are some people we like, and some we don't like. There are foods we don't care for, and foods we love too much. There are days we like, and days we rue the dawning of. There are even verses we like, versus the verses we wish weren't there to remind us of our sinfulness.

So why is it that we are wired this way? I tend to think that God didn't make us to have such extreme dislikes for certain things, though I would be willing to say that he doubtless made us to have great care for a great deal of His creation.

Is it our own free will? Our will that makes us decide "I choose to hate lima beans. And also my neighbour's cat." Because I pretty much dislike free will (regardless of why we decide what we like and dislike, I still stand by my distaste for free will, just so we're clear). But seriously, is it our "circumstances"? We like to blame things on our circumstances ("my childhood was so harsh!") and pretend that we didn't really have a choice in how we turned out. But I dare to disagree. You know as well as I do that we can change (through Christ's strength) how we act. For instance, I'm not a morning person. But I've managed to vaguely overcome that. I didn't used to like plain yogurt. Now I do! I can think of a few people that I didn't really used to like with whom I share at least a vestige of camaraderie.

But... Well, I guess I don't know what I'm getting at. I just think it's interesting to consider that we're all in possession of a fleshly nature. However, the power of Christ that dwells in us is greater than any power the world has to offer. Take that, lima beans.

Treasures of the snow

Where I live, it snowed last night. Now, I figured it would snow at some point in late March/early April, as it always seems to, but I must admit to being not-so-pleasantly surprised when the snow came. It wasn't too bad (my mom measured at our house, I guess, and we got two inches), but it was all icy, and stuck to my car like crazy. Which was fine, except for the fact that it took about 10 minutes to scrub off my car this morning before work.

Obviously it reminded me of Job 38:22. "Hast thou entered into the treasures of the snow? Or hast thou seen the treasures of the hail...?" I know that word is hail, but I like to think that it's secretly about all forms of ice. There's just something about the sparkling world of ice that makes me feel like God made it specially for our enjoyment. He didn't have to give water the ability to freeze. I mean, He could have made science a whole lot different, if He'd chosen. But rather, He made water freeze into tiny droplets of promise. Light shines through the ice to reflect sunlight all around.

Funny how much I like winter once I know it's nearly finished.

Meditation

I was talking to someone this weekend who was talking about how much meditation has helped their spiritual walk. Which was cool, because I had just been talking to someone recently who was saying that everyone should spend a minimum of fifteen minutes a day meditating.

I'd been thinking about this recently, because one of my friends and I have banded together to put together a series of devotional-type things. Not for public reading, no, no, but rather for our own encouragement. Something that will help her and I both in our personal walks with the Lord, and something to help draw us closer together in our relationship with each other. It's been an interesting exercise, to say the least.

For one, I'm sort of a conversational writer. I write like I talk, and neither of those forms of communication are very conducive to legitimate-feeling edification. Secondly, I'm terrible with remembering references. One thing I've found myself doing with these devotionals is that I spend half of the time looking up references, because I have no idea where anything is. (Though I usually know where it is on the page in my Bible, if that helps!) A third problem is that I haven't made it enough of a priority. I take the time to read my Bible, and pray, but spending the time to look up verses, and string them together with cohesive thoughts, is something I just haven't put to the top of my priority list.

My friend was "building me up" and reminding me that it was something that was worth making a priority. Good point, my friend, good point.

Safe

So, I'm not feeling very wordy today. I'm feeling, however, that I love knowing that I'm safe in Christ's care.

Wow. I just had the weirdest feeling ever. I all of a sudden remembered that when my Dad told us that my brother had passed away, he jumped out of the van where we were waiting for news, and (I think) he said to my mom, "He's safe." That's not weird, it made sense (remember when David from the Bible asked if the young man Absalom was safe? I think it was reminiscent of that), but what's weird is... I'm not sure.

Fine, fine, it was six years ago, but the details of that day seemed like things I'd never forget. Sitting on the porch swing for hours, trying to read my book (ironically, Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow), but being worried sick about what could have happened. Kneeling in the living room, praying with my family for the safety of the members of the family we were worried for. Trying to go through the motions of the day, playing games, making meals, exactly as if we were going to sit down that night like a normal family and have dinner together.

But all of a sudden, I don't quite remember if my dad said those words, "He's safe." I can ask someone and refresh my memory (and I will!) but it's been so far archived in my brain that it's not retrievable with 100% accuracy.

Sorry. Sad moment alert. Good thing I know I'm resting safe in the Father's hand, right?

Now I know!

I may have mentioned this before (at least once) but I've long wondered what the Lord's will is for me slash my life. I know that He has a will for me (and I tend to make everyone else aware of that), but it's hard to pin something down in concrete. "I will be a missionary when I grow up." That's something most of us aren't comfortable just out-and-out saying. We're more apt to say, "Well, I've praying about it, and I really think the Lord is leading me into His work. I'm tentatively scheduled to go to Zimbabwe this summer." Mind you, I like that second sentence better. It leaves a lot more room for the Lord's will to actually be accomplished in whatever capacity He chooses.

But there is something that I know for certain is the Lord's will for me. I know of a specific thing that He wants me to do (well, more than one, but let's just dwell on this one, because it's worded awesomely).

"In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." I Thess. 5:18.

It's that easy. If we (code word: me--I don't see to many other people over thinking this) stopped and were truly thankful for everything then we would be certain to be inside of the will of the Lord.

Just a tiny part of His plan for my life, but I'm only human, so I only understand small amounts of things at a time.

Mama Mia

A friend and I were having this discussion the other day: what do we want out of life? I'm not the type of person to worry about what I'm missing out on, and that type of thing, but here's the deal--I figure it's something to at least consider. I'll do whatever the Lord intends for me to do (have I mentioned recently that I have a job in insurance?) but the little secrety inside version of myself wants to have a family. Children. Crayon stains on the wall and meals and laundry.

That's what I miss when I work. Cooking. Laundry. Well, I still do laundry sometimes, and dishes all the time, but only when I'm rushed. I can't even tell you the last time I vacuumed, because I don't have time.

And one day I'm sure I'll look back on these carefree days and wish I had them back because I'll be tired of cooking every night of the week, and tired of yard work, and tired of silly putty in the carpet. I'm sure that day will come.

But even then, when I think about what parts of life are really worth experiencing, I can't help but think that a husband and children would feel more fulfilling than getting a raise for the dozenth time.

Disclaimer: I'm willing to do whatever the Lord wants me to, and if that means being single for my entire life, that's fine. But my natural inclination is to want a family.

By the way, why are families so unpopular these days? I actually read a magazine article one day stating that people should be brave enough to say that they don't want children. You have to be able to live your own life.

And I'm not saying you shouldn't live your own life (though I like to think of my life as bound up in Christ's life), but the article was presented as if children were a disease or something. Seriously.

Priorities? What priorities?

Monday was the ides of March. Sunday was National Pi Day. Wednesday was St. Patrick's Day. Guess which one of those I forgot?

I reminded my family about National Pi Day ("What happens on National Pi Day?" they asked. "I dunno, we make... pies?"), reminded them about the Ides of March ("I look my Graduation Test math test on the ides of March," I mused pensively), and come Wednesday, I showed up at work, and lo and behold, I wasn't wearing green. It's not as if I usually do, but this year my excuse was simple: the thought hadn't so much as crossed my mind.

So I guess it goes to show where my priorities are. Namely, sweet holidays v. boring and typical ones. Adventure strikes again!