Tuesday, August 24, 2010

A penny for your secret

For some reason, people often come up to me and tell me their life story. That's fine with me, I don't mind, but it's just interesting to me, because I don't usually feel comfortable telling total strangers things about me. I even hesitate before giving out my name. My first name! But no, I have people regularly share with me whatever is on their mind, be it their worst family dinner (one example: right after her husband died, one lady's daughter-in-law ruined their Thanksgiving dinner by announcing that she was leaving her husband. He didn't know about it until then), their plans for the next few years (those are less interesting, and usually have to do with owning mechanic shops or opening an art-supply store), or whatever else comes to mind (favorite time of year, best childhood memory, why they wish they had a different car). As I said, I find this stuff interesting.

But in all the things I've heard, I've never heard someone tell me "Now, I'm going to tell you a secret that I've never told anyone else." Maybe I've heard people's secrets (the beauty of it is, since I don't know them, I don't know which part they're telling me is a secret or common knowledge), but in general, I just think I hear lonely people finding an outlet for some words.

There's a project you may or may not be aware of, and whose website I won't direct you to, because there are a lot of rather icky secrets you shouldn't have to be exposed to, but it's called PostSecret. Some guy one time decided to get a post office box and have people mail him their secrets, ones that they've never before shared. Weird part is? They do. He's published several books, keeps an active blog, and gets many postcards from strangers, glad to have an outlet to share their secret.

The concept is compelling, this much is true. Being able to anonymously share a secret? What's not to like?

What brings this to mind is that the library near where I work (the one at which I want to get married) just did a PostSecret event, where you were supposed to submit secrets anonymously. The display hasn't gone up yet, but when I last talked to the librarian about it, they hadn't gotten many submissions. "Did you put a secret in?" I had to admit that I hadn't. In return I asked her about it, and she sheepishly said that she hadn't put one in, either.

So, if it's so cool, why hadn't we put in secrets? Well, I can't answer for her, but I know why I didn't. First of all, say I did have a cool secret. What if someone I knew saw it on the wall, and just somehow knew it was me? I don't have secrets of that caliber, truth be told, which is why I didn't even bother putting one in. Anything I could think to say (and I tried! I put thought into this!) was just... lame. I don't think it's because I live secret-free, because all who know me can attest to my distaste of sharing personal information, but there's no secret stewing inside of me. If you want to know something, you can ask. I might choose to withhold the information from you, but it's not because it's a big national secret, rather that I've chosen not to reveal that particular piece of information.

But we do love our secrets. I love to read other people's secrets, and I sometimes love when I have a little secret of my own. There are secrets I'd rather not have, but that's all part of what makes us human--carrying burdens for ourself, and for others, knowing that your secrets are safe. As safe as they can be, anyhow, in light of our human tendency to spout off at the mouth whenever possible.

But it's sort of a fun thing to do, to ponder what you'd share, if you dared. It's worth pondering, if for no other reason than to make yourself face the secrets you rarely think about. But all things are naked and opened unto the eyes of Him with Whom we have to do. Secrets are kind of meaningless, if you think about it. A nice perk of being a child of God--There's no awkward "well, we've known each other for a while, so I should probably tell you that...." conversation. He knows full well everything you're not telling Him.

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