Christmas!

This is the first year I've even paid attention to the fact that it's Christmas, and that's only because I fly out soon, and am looking forward to maybe some less-crowded flights today! But I had a cozy Christmas Eve last night (never paid attention to that, either), and I read Luke 2 for fun (they do it in books a lot, I thought I'd see what the fuss was all about) and cozied up and went to bed at about 9:00. Which is good, because, in case nobody has noticed, it's a little early right now. Huzzah for early flights...

Anyhow, this whole Christmas cheer thing? So not all it's cracked up to be. Yesterday I went to Borders (ahhh, what good times) and was about to pull in a parking space when I realized that some crazy car was driving on the wrong side of the road towards me. I had no idea what was going on, but just pulled into the space to be done with it, and then got out of the car to walk into the store. At which point I realized that the car had stopped in the midst of the parking lot for the express purpose of calling me some rather nasty names and to tell me what they thought of my driving. Um, I was the one driving in the right direction, Mr. Foul Mouth.

But I'm a Christian, it's cool.

So good-bye, Christmas lights. Good-bye, songs about all manner of animals--from reindeer to donkeys (Dominic, anyone?) to squirrels--I think I'll be happier without you. Good-bye, Santa Baby. Remember your vows, old dude, and smack those cheeky girls who call you baby. Good-bye Christmas "cheer." Though I think the cheer looses some of it's cheeriness each year. Good-bye frantic shoppers, we'll see you come Valentine's Day when you want chocolates and flowers. Good-bye, jingle bells.

Good-night, moon.

What's not leaving? The peace on earth, good will to man. Because guess what? That's sort of part of the package that came with redemption. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is something we get to keep with us all year round.

DV

First of all, I have to make note of the fact that I can never remember how the full version of "DV" is actually pronounced. Domnus Vet....something. I remember it easily as "da Lord 'Villing" with a weird sort of German accent or something. Can't say I didn't try.

But I was just thinking about that the other day. When I say "the other day" I mean "yesterday" because I happened to be reading up on some Paul (practicing for my order of the Corinthian nun, no doubt) when he was talking about this. He was visiting somewhere--Ephesus, I think?--and they were all sad, and he told them that he'd see them again, Lord willing. Well, in actual fact I believe he did see them again--it talks about sailing through Ephesus a few chapters later--but what this set me to wondering was this: is it always legitimate to say "Lord willing?"

Here's the deal. James says that we ought to say "if the Lord will" etc. but what if we say that, the Lord does will, and we fall down on the job? The Lord knows what's going to happen, obviously, but a lot of times we say Lord Willing as sort of a way to get out of things we don't want to do. "Well, I'll come to the hospital to clean up vomit later, Lord willing," and then when it doesn't happen, we feel justified because we didn't have time. That's a bad example, because I don't think very many of us have had that experience.

But should we really be throwing that around all the time so casually? I know that I personally qualify just about every third sentence with a "Lord willing" because I never know when I'm going to get raptured and not be able to do something, or hit by a car, or kidnapped by a mad scientist or something. Am I leaving for California tomorrow? Lord willing. I hope to, but I may not. But if I just don't get on the plane in the morning, but choose rather to hang out at the airport for a week and a half, is it going to be because the Lord willed it, or because I'm a moron?

The Lord is willing to do a lot of things that don't happen. The Lord is not willing that any should perish, for instance, and last I checked, people are still perishing.

I'm not trying to suggest that anybody stop saying Lord Willing, by the way. I for one would have a really tough time cutting it out of my vocabulary, and I'm fine with that. But I think what I'm trying to say is that we should examine our own actions more, perhaps. I don't know. I guess it can sort of boil down to the fact that in the garden the Lord Jesus said that if the Father was willing, then could He remove this cup from Him? And the answer to that was no. So maybe it's not so much about what our actions do and don't say about us, but rather that we show ourselves willing to follow the Lord's directives.

But this whole when-to-say-it-and-when-not-to-say-it thing still gets me. For instance, what if I planned to rob the bank later this afternoon? Would I be as apt to say, "well, I'm going to head over to the bank and rob it, Lord willing" as I would be to say, "well, I'm going to head over to Drug Mart and buy some post cards, Lord Willing"? But when I'm saying the deal about the post cards I guess what I usually mean is "time permitting." Obviously I guess I'd stop if the Lord showed me that He wasn't willing to buy post cards, which I guess would mean I would stop robbing the bank if He didn't want me to do that, either. But if I'm going to say Lord Willing about stuff that I think is kosher (buying post cards, going to California, making pizza for supper) then I guess it means I shouldn't do anything I'm not willing to tack a Lord Willing onto. Is that it? If you're not comfortable saying "Lord Willing" after something, then you're maybe not supposed to do it?

I don't know. Maybe next time I'm trying to make a decision I'll test-run a few sentences with a Lord Willing after it. I'm going to Europe this summer, Lord Willing.

See, but sometimes you just like the way something sounds, even if maybe the Lord still doesn't will. Who doesn't want to go to Europe this summer?

Anyhow, this got convoluted and off-topic, but it was just something that crossed my poor tangled mind. This much I know--I'm going to keep on saying "Lord Willing," Lord willing.

Leftovers

Isn't is sad how poorly we treat leftovers? I don't know about you guys, but I tend to not appreciate leftovers as much as I should. For instance, I currently am trying desperately to finish up a fridge-full of leftovers before I depart for the West Coast for the holidays. When my family left they left me with all kinds of things--soup, rice, bread, vegetables, enough things to keep me happy for a long time.

Sad thing is, though, now I feel obliged to finish it up. Not in a stuff-myself-ugh kind of way, but in a if-I-have-one-of-these-meals-at-every-meal-from now-until-I-leave-I'll-finish-them-all-up kind of way. But I'm home alone! I always crave cereal for supper, for some reason, but since I've got white chili in the fridge, I don't want to have to freeze that and eat my cheerios instead. So instead of being thankful that I don't have to go to any effort to pull together a supper for myself in the evening, I sigh because I can't have an egg for breakfast, because of the excess of bananas in my house.

Isn't that sad? I'd be a bad third-world-dweller.

I gave up and froze the rice, by the way, and I think I'll follow suite with some of the chili. I've already finished all of the split pea soup (it was really yummy, actually) and if I freeze that white chili, it means.... cereal for supper! It's like a dream come true!

Birthday wishes

Today is my mom's birthday. It makes me happy that my mom has a special day just to herself. The rest of us keep using it for regular, mundane things, but it's her day! She emailed me this morning and told me that she was planning on doing nothing today but curling up with a Karen Kingsbury book (the one about the arsonist, not my favorite, but whatever) and then my dad is taking her out to supper. Now isn't that the sweetest thing ever?

So, to my mother (who doesn't actually read this blog, as far as I know), Happy Birthday. I love you.

The Funeral Planner

In days gone by, I used to go to school. "Go to" being the operative words in the statement, but we'll worry about that another day. Anyhow, I had three delightful friends, all of whom I've almost entirely lost touch with since those days. Life comes at you fast.

Anyhow, one late evening we young ladies were discussing the ins and outs of our future lives. One young lady, named Chrissy, was supposedly looking for "James from British" on a map, and could never find him. I'm pretty sure, in this highly preposterous story we were making up, that she died from lack of food and water, so intense was her search for this place named "British" on the globe. For those who are confused, I actually have a slide show explaining the story in all its glory, should you care for a gander.

The point of this little tale is that I decided (uh, "decided" being the operative word) that my lot in life was to become... The Funeral Planner. Actually, I'm not going to lie, I'd still like to have that job--go visit terminally ill children, chat with them about their likes and dislikes, get a feel for their parents, figure out a funeral fitting for a child (you know, balloons, candy, Bible verses read by best friends instead of pastors, that sort of thing) and then be responsible for organizing it once their sickness has gotten the best of them. It may sound morbid, but it actually sounds like a job I'd like.

Moving on, however, to the fact that I tend to think about funerals a bit much. I don't entirely have the details for mine down yet (I'm getting there) but I actually do ponder it sometimes. Well, not a lot, since I figure the rapture will have long since happened by the time a regular person would have needed a funeral, so it's more like a little thing I sometimes wonder about.

For instance, my funeral can't be boring. Nobody likes a boring funeral. If that ol' speaker rambles on for even one moment about the funeral of their own dearly departed mother (who is known to none in the audience), then he has failed, and someone should tackle him. My funeral should be about, I don't know, the Lord? That's what I'm thinking. If they're talking about me, it should be in a sort of off-handed "isn't it great that Joanne loved the Lord and was saved?" type of way. If they want to tell precious little stories about how one time I picked up someone's hankie with a smile on my face, fine. But really? It's not about me, people, it's about the One who made me. And happened to graciously welcome me into His Home, even though I really wanted to be raptured instead.

Stipulation number two. No congregational singing. I mean, seriously, none. I've been to only one funeral where that worked out well, and they had instruments, so it hardly counted. But if it has to be done, sing at the graveside, but not in the funeral home, please. I'd like for random friends to sing, if songs are needed. If there has to be a congregational singing of "Praise Him for all that is past, and trust Him for all that's to come" for the sake of my mother, that's fine, but only because I love my mom a lot. Otherwise, friends of mine who are good singers may sing. Oh, and a friend who's not such a good singer, because I promised her. But only if she really wants to, otherwise I'll spare the excessive singing.

I want an open casket. Unless I've died a vicious death that included animal paws or very large vehicles, I figure my face can handle it. I don't like closed-casket funerals. Weird, I know.

At the visiting hours, I want background music playing. Not boring type, but nothing crazy. Like... that Chris Rice CD with piano hymns? That's a good one. No classical music, though.

I want my friends to have a say in who my pall-bearers should be. My brother is an obvious shoo-in, but my parents and friends should confer and decide who the others should be. I think a lot of times random people are selected. So not cool, people, we're talking about a dead body in a wooden box--only special people should get to carry that!

I liked the open-mic format they had at my brother's, however, if anybody were to do that at mine, we'd need a larger funeral home. I'm just saying.

There are more things, but I just realized that in light of all the funerals that have been going on recently, this most likely isn't the appropriate time to be sharing this with the world. Guess the rest of my funeral plans will have to stay hidden away in my stash of papers. I didn't even get to whom or what I wanted my in-lieu-of money to be donated. So many things that the rapture will preserve us from having to figure out. Isn't that a joy?

Home alone

Well, I'm home alone. Well, I'm not home at this exact second, but in general I'm alone at my home. Unless this is a stalker reading this who somehow knows where I live, in which case I have a dog and a burly guard and alarms that will tie you into a ball of humanity.

Moving on.

You'd think I'd want to order pizza and laze around and eat junk food, right? That's what I'd think, but all I can think is that I have a ton of grapefruit in the fridge that I want to eat. I don't even usually like grapefruit, is the weird thing. But right now I just really want to eat it. Maybe it's the three cups of coffee talking, but citrus sounds amazing right now.

Everyone has told me that a fun thing to do is listen to really loud music when you're home alone. All good and well, but I don't like my music loud. I like music to be more like a background to the life I lead, not the leading... lady. Leading loudly? Eh, I have no idea.

I feel wholly uninspired right now. A friend of mine told me today that they actually read this sometimes (uh, hi co-worker slash best friend, if you're reading) and it made me realize how boring and pointless this whole blog is. I don't like when I post posts like this--pointless ones talking about my day or how I feel, but at the same time, the posts where I ramble on about nothing are lame as well. So... everything I write? pointless.

The end. I go. A-fishing. Just kidding, I've sworn off fishing expeditions. I hope.

No, seriously, I'm done now.

Blind faith

There have been some tragic events going on recently, one of which involved a friend of mine who died of bone cancer. He was only 15, and it's been really hard on his family. One reason it's been so difficult is because his dad just didn't expect him to die. He'd been led to believe that it was always God's will to heal someone, and that sickness is indicative of sin. When his son died late Friday night, he turned to his wife and asked if she saw this coming.

He had faith. Faith that God would restore his son to full health and fix what was going on.

Sometimes we talk about "blind faith" and how it's trusting God even when we just can't see what He's doing. But this time? This time blind faith meant that he (the dad) believed that God would do a certain thing, rather than believing that God would do what was best for the situation. And I know I have a measure of that myself--I tend to think, "hey, He wants us to have faith like a grain of mustard seed..." and then I don't open myself to the possibility that He'll do something other than what I want Him to.

And questions with this are so hard. "How can someone with such strong faith feel so let down? Aren't we supposed to be protected?"

When people ask me things like that I just don't know what to say. It's such a difficult thing to be willing to trust God completely; blind faith that trusts Him to do the right thing, regardless of personal preference.

Joseph & co.

The other night our family was having a Bible reading (I like to call it "pre-BOB," a Saturday night gathering where we sing BOB-related songs and read BOB-related verses, etc.) and I got to rambling about Joseph, and we had a rather rousing (not exactly Bob-related) discussion about him and his life.

This is Bible Joseph, just in case that hasn't come across yet.

I was just pondering a few things.

1. Did Joseph ever check in on brother Simeon while he was in prison? I mean, I think if I were Joseph and my brother was just down in the dungeon, and if he missed his family as much as the story indicates, that he would have found some sort of way to get updated on him. Maybe he would have had his Steward make sure that Simeon was well cared for? That Steward, by the way, must have been soo confused about the goings-on of Joseph's life. Seriously. Oh, plus, I would think it would have been super easy for Joseph to check out prisons himself. I mean, he'd been a clever prison-keeper back before his Zaphnathpaaneah days, right? So it would stand to reason that nobody would question if he wanted to poke around in prisons whenever he wanted.

2. Speaking of that. Didn't any of the farmers wonder why in the world they were handing over a fifth of their crops to an ex-con? I think I would have wondered, quite honestly. My brother was rather surprised that I brought this up at all, since Joseph was number two in the land and all. True, brother, but you'd think they'd at least have some moments of doubt or worry or something.

3. I'd think at least some of the wives would wonder why they had to uproot and move to Egypt of all places (you really want our children to be raised in that heathen land, honey?) but my mom thinks they would have been glad to be closer to the corn. I still think they'd have at least one disgruntled wife between the all of them.

4. I liked how Pharaoh had known Joseph for about five minutes and decided that he was the person "discreet and wise" to run the whole Project Survive Famine. Yes, he interpreted your dream, but you don't know much about him other than the fact he'd been in jail.

I'm stuck on this whole jail thing today.

Ah, well. Nobody knows. Maybe nobody ever bothered with these things in those days ("these things" being the moving-to-a-heathen land, visiting-my-brother-secretly, bringing-food-to-an-ex-con things), I don't know.

Ohhhh, but one more thing. Did Simeon (it was Simeon, right?) grow to respect the person Zaphnathpaaneah was while he was imprisoned in Egypt? Did he know what was going on in the land? Hear many current events? I just wonder if he respected Joseph without even knowing it was him, you know?

Heaven will be sweet. For a million reasons, but one being that I'll get to finally find out all this stuff. I've got some questions for Amos, too, actually. Soon!!

Now I can die happy

I found it. The library I want to get married in. It's always been sort of a family joke that I'll end up getting married in a library (in addition to making the happy husband sign an agreement about living close to a library, haha), but seriously, it could happen. It's not really big enough for a wedding of my family's caliber, but I can work something out I'm sure.

It's near to where I work (I mentioned it one day and everyone else at the office was stunned that there was a library around here) and it's attached to the park, which means the grounds are really nice. It's RIGHT on a lake, and there are big glass windows that face the lake, and it's just gorgeous. It's winter now, so they have a fireplace burning every time I go in there, and it's just remarkable.

I was telling my friends of this discovery, and everyone was encouraging me to find the man so it can all happen until my cousin remembered that I've decided to become a nun! So, we worked it out and decided that I could take my vows of nunhood at the library. I don't know what vows of nunhood are, or whether or not I could take them not in a church or convent, but if it's kosher, I'd so take them at that library.

Ahh, pipe dreams.

Deck the halls

Ah, Christmas. I don't really like Christmas. Mostly, people are busy and frazzled and in a hurry. Plus, shopping (which I already dislike) is a mess. Everyone, it seems, wants to be shopping. Long lines, impatient people, sales that aren't that good... Not so exciting.

I've been feeling at least mildly jolly, I guess. There's been a lot of stuff going on recently (two of my friends died this weekend, if that's any indication), so I haven't been crazily excited about everything, but I have a lot to be thankful for.

Christmas music at work has been a little difficult to get used to. Usually I like to get in the car on a snowy day and hear Christmas music. This year? I hear Christmas music for 8 1/2 hours a day (yeah, they play it in the lunch room, too) and when I get in the car I'm not that inclined to listen to more. So I've been hearing some less seasonal sounds in the car, which is fine, but odd.

Dude, working has benefits--besides the money and connections. =) I can't even tell you how many people have brought us Christmas treats here at the office. We just got our third one today! My boss got a ham, but I don't count that as a treat, since it is neither sweet nor will I be partaking of it.

Anyhow, I have no idea what I was really here to say. And I'm not trying to be super down on the season but OH MY GOODNESS IF I HEAR THIS SONG ONE MORE TIME I WILL IMPLODE! OK, I don't know about anybody else, but the song "Last Christmas I gave you my heart, the very next day you gave it away, etc" was fine maybe once or twice. Six times a day is NOT cool, since it is pointless and lame.

I see a wooden rocking horse in the camera here at work. What tomfoolery is this? I must go investigate.

Over and out.

Ugh

I have many fond memories of being sick, oddly enough. Cozy-type memories, ones where my mom would sing to put me to sleep, or my siblings and I would all lay around on the couch and moan in unison.

But this? This is my first time being sick and going to work. Real work, anyhow, I was sick when I nannied all the time. So... we'll see how it goes. Work starts in a minute, and I've been avoiding doing anything useful until it actually turns 8:30. So... here goes nothing!

Prayers and things like that

Sometimes I just need some time with the Lord. Not because I feel like I'm losing my grip on Him and need to reconnect, but because I feel like I just can't have anybody around me as I fellowship with Him. Right now there's some crazy stuff going on around my place, and I've been pretty much bawling my eyes out for the past day. Less than that, actually, even though it feels like much longer.

But anyhow, I got MikesChair out of the library on Monday, which was crazy and of the Lord, because I've been listening to their song, Let the Waters Rise, even before stuff went a little crazy. This is short, I know, but sometimes there's nothing to say but that I love being able to pray. I love knowing that underneath are the everlasting arms. I love casting all my cares upon Him. This morning in Bible reading with my family I happened to read 1 Samuel 25:29, the verse about being "bound up in the bundle of life with the Lord my God," and I just started crying. I love knowing that I'm bound up in the bundle of life with my Lord, and... I trust that everyone I know and love is being bound up in that bundle of life.

Here are the lyrics to that amazing song, for those who aren't familiar with the song. Look it up, if you don't know it. And when you listen, pray for the brokenhearted.

Don't know where to begin
It's like my world's caving in
And I tried but i can't control my fear
Where do I go from here

Sometimes it's so hard to pray
You feel so far away
I am willing to go where You want me to
God I trust You

[Chorus]
There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If you want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You

I will swim in the deep
'Cause You'll be next to me
You're in the eye of the storm and the calm of the sea
You're never out of reach

God You know where I've been
You were there with me then
You were faithful before
You'll be faithful again
I'm holding Your hand

[Chorus]

God Your love is enough
You will pull me through
I'm holding on to You

God your love is enough
I will follow You
I will follow You

[Chorus]"

'Tis the Season!

They've started playing Christmas music full-time at work. Oh, joy.

But you know what? I'm still really thankful, and Thanksgiving/being a Christian still seems to me lingering. Which is good. So I've been trying to be duly thankful for as many things as possible. Like... not sleeping=lots of time to pray! Woohoo!

I'm on my lunch break at work. I just don't have time to keep up with anything meaningful... Sigh.