Things I Learned, 2015 edition

This is my usual annual review.  The only thing I've managed to do consistently, I believe, the entire time I've had this blog.

My usual disclaimer is as follows: This is purposely vague, because I don't have time to include a year's worth of actual things I've learned.  Also, these are things that even if I knew before, were refreshed to me in such a way that I shall henceforth peg them to this past year.  And finally, this list is in no particular order, and the importance of the items are in no way discernible.  Disclaimer over.

1)  Adventures are where it's at.  I don't mean specifically you have to go on adventures, I just mean that I think it's important to be open enough to let life be a series of adventures.  Nothing turns out the way we expect it to, anyhow, so we might as well let go and enjoy all the things.

2)  Spiritual laziness is a thing.  This is pretty personal, but I'll put it out here: there were times in 2015 where I struggled to keep my Bibleing habits consistent.  It's not pretty, and ends up being painful when one finally comes to ones senses and buckles down, but it's the truth.

3)  Mornings never, ever get easy.  I've tried everything to make my mornings be a breeze (I lay everything out ahead of time, I set my alarm clock away from my bed so I have to get up and stay up, I drink much caffeine), but guys, mornings are the worst.  And when mornings suffer, so do the Bible times.  See #2

4)  Everything has to change eventually.  There were choices I made this year in terms of activities where people questioned my motives.  "Why didn't you go to that event?  Why did you go for a shorter amount of time?  What's going on?"  The answer?  I can't do everything.  I just can't.  It's okay to pick and choose and help people understand that not everything can stay the same.  That's life.

5)  Love endureth all things.  Sorry to be so cliche, but if there's anything that friendships have taught me, is that it takes a lot of grace and love to navigate people.  And, of course, for people to deal with me!

6)  People talk about what's important to them.  I consider myself to be a people person (by that I mean I'm not a plant or animal person, so I must be a people person), but sometimes it takes a great amount of focus to realize that when it all boils down to it, people end up saying what they'd like to be saying if they felt safe enough to say it.  Those things that people want to say?  They are saying.  You--which is to say I--need to listen up.  That was a pretty important one for me.

And that's that.

Holy nudges

I don't know what the term is, and I have a feeling "holy nudges" isn't the exact term I'm looking for, but it's got to be close.

See, every once in a while I think, "you know, I should really email/text/call/visit/send a card to [fill in the blank]."  And...  I don't always do it.  Then next thing I know, they're reaching out to me, telling me they've been thinking about me.

We probably all do this (at least, I hope so, otherwise now I'll just feel awkwardly like I'm the only heathen amongst us).  I call them holy nudges rather than "passing thoughts" because it seems like time and time again, the Lord gives me the chance to be the one to reach out first, and then BAM, I've been putting it off and the other person reaches out to me.  It's like the Lord is letting me know that we're thinking about each other and He'd be happy for me if I could be the one to reach out first if only I were paying attention.

That happens a lot.  And I'm not saying every "passing thought" is a holy nudge, but I will say that when my city took out an annoying traffic light near my house I thought I really should send a little thank-you note to the city because it was really so nice that it was gone and then I got lazy and didn't send a card and then they put the light back in because they thought nobody cared (also, they thought it was dangerous).  Now, I'm not saying they would have kept it just because I wrote them a note, but I'm saying it would have been nice if I'd written them a note, and I'm pretty sure the Lord wanted me to see tangibly that when something or someone comes to mind it wouldn't be that hard to reach out, and perhaps we would even end up making a difference.

But in this increasingly lazy-fied world, it's hard.  I mean, I don't even know where I would have sent the note to the city.  And sometimes I want to send a card but it's like, "ugh, who knows how to find their address, anyhow" and then I just justify it by saying it's too hard.  Or (my personal favorite) I decide there's no way to get in touch with them except via facebook and facebook is so impersonal anyhow that there's no way I should feel obligated to send a facebook message.  And, of course, what that means is I can count on getting a facebook message from them and yes, it's always personal and meaningful and yes I feel convicted.

Oh, guys.  I have so far to go.

I've been hibernating

A sister who supposedly doesn't read this recently gently reminded me that I could possibly write again.  Because, you know, that's what you're supposed to do when you've committed to a blog.  (Though I recently read my first-ever blog post and saw that I had wisely and honestly been pretty pessimistic about my ability to keep on blogging regularly.  So, if anyone read my blog in 2009, you'd know not to expect too much.)

I could.  And I am.  Right now, in fact.  But I don't want to.

Guys, in the spirit of full disclosure, 2014 has been an awful year.  A friend lost twins.  My sister lost her young son.  I lost a friend my age.  Another friend just lost her son.

There have been good things.  Bright things.  But every time I've even thought about writing here in my blog, I keep logging in and looking at that last post I wrote and thinking, "Ugh, I'm not ready to move beyond that."  I didn't know, obviously, when I wrote that, how much I'd come to appreciate the story of that woman who lost her son, how much I'd come to rely on those around me when all I did was cry for a month when my nephew died.  How exhausted and upset and mad I felt when yet another friend lost her child.  So every time I looked at the post, it bespoke even more grief.

Because it's all good and well, to grieve in unity.  But I HATE that we have to grieve in unity.  Or at all.  I hate that by loving so many people, ones heart gets broken afresh with every good-bye.  I think I've cried more this year than I ever have before--even counting when my own brother died.  I even almost cried at a wedding this year, and I have never cried at a wedding in my life before, so that is saying something.

And this is why I haven't written.  Because I can't think of light and fluffy things to say.  Because even though I still have random interactions with people around me, and I meet strangers who become friends, and I think vaguely interesting thoughts, they get pushed around and reorganized in my brain and at the top, always, remains the dull "ugh I can't even" and then, you know, I just don't write for ages and ages.

I'm not trying to make it sound like I live a wholly depressed life.  I have a new sister-in-law, a new nephew, and another new niecew on the way.  There have been weddings, and engagements, and babies, and changes, and happy things, and all the rest other wonderful things there are supposed to be in life.  But someone (a weird dude.  The strangest people talk to me sometimes) recently was like, "So awesome that you're so young and full of optimism!" and I straight-up told him that I thought it was rude that he assumed young people had to be full of optimism.  I look forward to the future.  I expect wonderful things in the future.  But I think it's stupid that older people think it's okay for themselves to not have optimism, because us younger generation has got it covered.

Maybe I was PMSing that day.  I just looked up the official definition of optimism, and it is in fact what I have, in spite of everything.

op·ti·mism

ˈäptəˌmizəm/

noun

1. 1.

   hopefulness and confidence about the future or the successful outcome of something.

   "the talks had been amicable, and there were grounds for optimism"

   synonyms:

   hopefulness, hope, confidence, buoyancy, cheer, cheerfulness, good cheer, sanguineness, positiveness, positive attitude "I wish I had your optimism"

Whatever.  We're going with optimistic though without a spirit of optimism.

So.  Here I am, for whatever it's worth.  Thankful for all that is past, and trusting the Lord for all that's to come.

Things I learned in 2013

This feels like deja vu.  I literally just did a "What I learned in 2012" post, but, as we all know, that was a whole year late, so...  I'll just do this, and maybe my "What I learned in 2014" post will seem normal, presuming I do it in 12 months instead of waiting till 2015 is over with.

Yikes.  2015 sounds frighteningly close.  It's a good thing I know the Lord is coming soon!  I won't have to worry about silly things like "What I learned" lists.  Especially when my lists are as subjective and vague as mine typically are.

As always, this list is in no particular order.

1)  Rice bags can catch on fire in the microwave.  In other news, microwaves still function even with holes melted into the side of them.  That is truly something I didn't used to know.
2)  People can still surprise you.  I'm not that old, but I have a habit of thinking that nothing is unexpected.  Well, it's not true.  Unexpected things can (and do) happen.
3)  God is a lot more gracious than I am.  I knew that, but I was reminded again this past year.
4)  I'm kind of emotional.  I used to mock my friends who teared up at the slightest provocation, but I'm not much better these days.  I don't know if it's age or event related, but I cry a lot more often than I want to.
5)  When I look around I realize that the Lord has a way of using substitution in my life.  In a good way.  For instance, there are things I think I want but instead of giving those to me, He gives to me things that feed the need perfectly for where I am in life.  That probably doesn't make sense, so I'll elaborate.  All I ever wanted to be from my youth up was to be a mom.  I never had career aspirations or even life aspirations, truth be told, outside of marriage and family.  And I still would love to be a mother, but at the current, that's not in the cards for me.  But what I do have is a passel of Sunday School kids, and a job at a daycare.  Almost every day of my life is filled with sticky smiles and heads of hair to braid.  So it might seem like a silly something (and I'm not trying to say that what I do is mothering, because you mothers out there know that it's way more than just making sure kids aren't choking on plastic bags or whatever), but I have been so thankful this past year to realize that the Lord knows my heart and keeps my lap filled with children who want to listen to me read story books.  It's a gift.  And I'm thankful for it.
6)  I should never be so dogmatic when I say that certain things won't happen.  Turns out #2 on my list applies to all kinds of areas.  Sometimes things that seem like they'll never happen do.
7)  Life is made of moments, not milestones.  I mean, some people get milestones, and I obviously have milestone-ish things in my life, but I've been learning not to look to milestones for contentment.  Life passes me by when I'm constantly looking ahead for events over which I hold no control.  Life is the every day, the mundane, the mealtimes and conversations and friendships and the shared memories.  Life isn't always about moments that are scrapbook-able.

I could go on.  But 2014 has already been overwhelming with with things and I'm afraid that if I finish this list (which I started a few weeks ago, but, as per usual, left in draft format for a while) it'll be subtly influenced by 2014.  And then what would I put on my list next year?  If the Lord doesn't come, that is.

Happy Thanksgiving!

This year Thanksgiving is a little different than usual.  We had a family celebration a week or so ago, and then we all went our separate ways and are having individual Thanksgivings.  My brother and cousins are supposed to be arriving in a bit for our Chinese food Thanksgiving (read: best idea ever) but before then I just wanted to publicly say how thankful I am for...  Basically everything.  I sometimes have issues not being content (what am I doing with my life?  Why have I accomplished nothing in the past decade?  Ahhhh!) but...  I have a remarkably wonderful life.

This morning I got up and (after cleaning the house) went on a run.  And then went to the cemetery.  Maybe not the cheeriest Thanksgiving but a good one.  I loved having the quiet.  The time to pray, to be thankful, to simply...  Be.  The Lord has given me so much, and in a holiday that is usually filled with chatter and coffeecake it was nice to have a morning of just me and the Lord.

So.  Happy Thanksgiving.  May yours be as awesome as mine!  =)

Worth it

Some days my responsibilities leave me tired.  I remember earlier this year when a friend was helping me do Sunday School stuff she remarked, "How do you do it?  These kids wear me out!"

I feel you.

Some Sundays I just feel spent.  It is ridiculous, of course, because it's only a couple of hours a couple of times a weekend, but the constant chaos has a way of wearing you down.  Like a rock in a creek.  No matter how innocuous the creek seems, eventually that rock is going to be worn down whether or not it wants to be.

Like tonight, driving the kids home from gospel.  Definitely had to pull over and do the, "Whomsoever does not sit down and stop fighting won't come or get cookies ever again."  It works for a few blocks, anyhow.

But.

But.

Let me tell you a story that starts a while ago.  A story that begins on a different thread, but leads back to the subject at hand.

Earlier this summer I started a book called Get Lost.  I started it and realized that it was going to be good, good enough, in fact, for me to *gasp* buy an actual copy for myself, instead of just using the library version I had.  (I don't prefer to use money for... anything.  I avoid purchasing things unless it's ABSOLUTELY NEEDED.  So to think that I should buy something is a Big Deal in my life.)  So I bought myself a copy and... then put the book on hold for a while.  But earlier this month I picked it up and devoured the book (in the literary fashion, not the rumble in my tummy fashion).  It's rather good.  Note to self: if I have daughters, I'm pretty much getting them copies.  (Unfortunately, the tagline is about finding true love.  The author did that to be clever, because she urges you to find true love in Christ, but it's awkwardly misleading when discussing it with others, because I'm not on a quest to find true love, but I would like to read more about deepening my relationship with the Lord.)

Anyhow, it was so good that I bought a copy for a friend who I thought might appreciate it.  Three days after I gave it to her she came up to me and told me she'd purchased seven copies, to give to her friends.  (Then of course I was all like, "Ugh, must I?" but the Lord urged me to buy even more copies, and now five additional friends are gifted with copies.)

A few days later, the same friend came to me and said there was a line in the book that had gotten her to thinking.  The line was something like, "Allow the Lord to use you wherever you are, whether it be in raising children for the Lord alongside your husband, or as a single woman on Wall Street."  The author, I'm sure, meant, you know, the stock market version of Wall Street.  But...  in my neck of the woods a lot of our Sunday School work originated on a street called Wall Street.  So, after reading this line, my friend came to me and said she wanted to be more involved in the Sunday School effort.

"Oh, hey, perfect timing.  I'm having some girls over for supper this week, can you come?"  She made time, and she came.

Insert the night of the dinner.  I was stressed.  I'd forgotten to make cookies (a tragedy worse than DEATH to these kids) and more girls came than expected (which is to be expected, but sometimes I foolishly forget such things), and I was sort of running around like a headless chicken, helping girls make pizzas, keeping them from breaking the trampoline, that sort of thing.

The evening progressed, and I was much occupied with keeping things moving smoothly.  I talked to everyone, tried to get personal conversations in, but...  with a dozen or so (more?  I already don't remember) girls running around, it was rough.

My friend, however, felt the Lord urge her to talk to one of the girls specifically.  To just sit down and get to know her a little better.  To see if she was enjoying the evening and see if she had any questions about the Bible reading we'd had.

"Yeah," the girl wondered, when prodded, "what does it mean exactly to be born again?"

An hour later, I was inside watching the least sensical play EVER, as staged by the girls (I have several versions recorded on my phone, but have no idea how to upload them to Blogger--any advice?) and my friend and the girl wandered in.  My friend rejoicing with the angels; the girl freshly saved.

My friend told me she might not have come but for reading that line in the book.  I wouldn't have thought to invite her except that she brought it up first.  And I honestly don't think I would have made time to talk to that one girl myself.  All these little things work together, and now we rejoice (me with actual tears, because I ALWAYS cry when our kids get saved, haha) because of the reminders of God's abiding faithfulness.

So when I get worn down (interesting note--when I first heard that song I was particularly tired and worn--I begin to see a pattern in my life--and I'm pretty sure I cried.  I seem to cry a lot in these featured stories, sigh) I just have to remember that it's worth it.

Not for my own life, but for their lives, and for His eternal glory.

3, 2, 1

(The numbers 3, 2, and 1 have no significance upon this post.  I'm just avoiding cleaning out our van, and writing numbers apparently makes me feel better about the avoidance issue.  Allow me to move on to a post with no real significance to anything.  I just... was thinking about bridesmaid-ing today.  And here we are now.)

I was in a wedding last summer.  Right around the time I stopped posting, in fact.  The wedding didn't make me stop blogging, of course, but it did usher in one of the busiest months ever.  I think I went to nine states and five provinces in the course of two weeks.  The nine states might sound more impressive, but trust me, trekking to five Canadian provinces takes some serious doing.

Anyhow, the wedding was fun.  Super fun.  Super super fun.  There were seven bridesmaids, and we were all crazy and had a ridiculous amount of fun.

I bring this up now because this summer I'm going to/have already started going to a bajillion weddings.  Honestly, you'd think everyone I knew was getting married this year.  Anyhow, in light of that, a bunch of us girls have done a lot of wedding talk, and those of us who were bridesmaids in last summer's wedding have decided that there's almost no way to top the hilarity that was last summer's wedding, so...  basically we've hit the plateau.  No wedding will be as fun as that one was.

We're all hoping to be pleasantly surprised, by the way.  One of the bridesmaids from last summer is going to be in three weddings this summer, and another one in two weddings.  Another is getting married this summer, and the rest of us...  are taking a break from being in weddings.  =)

But seriously, doesn't this look like the most fun ever?

It was.

Navy Pier

A photograph of parts of Navy Pier from on high.

Two weeks ago I went to Chicago to hang out with my best friend.  A nice girl who used to keep a blog, and then one day stopped.  We forgive her.  Anyhow, all of the kids were on spring break, so her mom took a day off and we all went to Navy Pier.  I'd never been before.  

They live in a suburb, so it took a while to get there, and we passed a bunch of stuff in the city, like the Sears Tower, which, of course, isn't even named that any more (it's now the Willis Tower tower, but obviously that's somewhat akin to Big Ben being called Big Ben, even though Big Ben is just the clock, not the tower), and a really cool library downtown Chicago.  I was in the car when we passed it, so this picture is kind of lousy, but you can see here that the building is sort of awesome.  I'd get books at this library at any time.

The old-timey library building.

At the pier we mostly just meandered about, looking around stores and such.  Also, we went on a Ferris Wheel, which was exciting to me, because I thought it was my first time ever on a Ferris Wheel, but everyone I've mentioned that to says, "Uh, what about the London Eye?"  So, apparently The London Eye counts as a Ferris Wheel, which means this makes twice.  Picky picky. 

The view from the Ferris Wheel.

This is what happens when her two brothers decide they need a picture with her.  Hilarity.

I look a little tired.  But hey, you can see a corner of Chicago in the corner, at any rate.

Then we ate at this delicious restaurant called Bubba Gump's.  It was delicious.  It's apparently based off of that Forrest Gump movie, and the waiters came and did movie trivia with us about five times while we were eating, because they of course assumed that if we were eating there, we must have seen the movie before. Enforces the idea that it would be a boring movie, haha, but anyhow, they were gracious to me, although I knew not of what they spoke.

All the waiting for the food, however, was SO WORTH IT, because when the food came it was basically the best ever.  This is a picture, and honestly, if you ever go there, you should get the stuffed shrimp.  Because it was SO good.  It's been two weeks and I still dream of that food.  Seriously.

Best.  Seafood.  Ever.

Anyhow, it was windy and a little cold, but we all had fun.  We went home afterwards and slept.  Or read.  Personally, I read Sea Legs, and laughed the afternoon away.  Honestly, that book is hilarious.  Two motherless boys stow away on the cruise ship their father works on and save the day.  All turns out well in the end, and the British humor has me laughing and crying all at the same time.

That was a tangent.

Anyhow.  Navy Pier.  Good stuff.

Things I learned in 2011

I made this list sort of a while ago.  You know, back when 2012 was pretty new and exciting.  But since I recently started blogging again, I thought it might behoove me to dig up the list and share.  Before I begin, allow me to say that these might not be things I learned for the first time, but they sort of presented themselves to me again.  So, without further ado, a list in no order.

1)  People can use scripture to back up anything they want.
2)  There are an astounding number of people who don't know how to properly say Jobs.  As in, Steve.
3)  Miracles do happen.
4)  Friendships that are supposed to last for a long time sometimes don't.
5)  Which is a good reminder that good friendships are awesome.  Also, worth keeping around.
6)  I should never pretend to know what I'm talking about.
7)  You can say Occupy for anything.  I heard of more Occupy Movements in 2011 than I could possibly keep track of!
8)  It's funny.  We don't always want the things we think we do.
9)  I'm still fairly awful at spelling.
10)I like yellow cake better than chocolate cake.

Anyhow, like I said, a random assortment.  Most of those things have stories behind them, but most of the stories are probably better left untold.  So.  Welcome, 2012.  Only 76 days into it and I'm finally wrapping up with 2011.  Not bad, not bad.

Start at Square 0

While in England, we went to the Prime Meridian.  Cool place, for people who like standing on Line Zero of the Lines of Longitude.  Personally, I like to stand on line zero.  Anyhow, we sort of raced through the park, and didn't pay to go to the museum (which was super sad, because I once read a fascinating book about John Harrison, who was a brilliant man who is apparently heavily featured in Greenwich attractions), but went to where the line was and stood about, taking photos.

Exhibit B.  Our feet.  Mine are the second ones back.  Running shoes are the only shoes for tourists (sorry, friend in front who took the time to pack cute purple boots.  I eschew cute shoes on vacation).  The end.  That or Nike flip-flops, which of course I could not wear.  But that's another story.  Anyhoo, sometimes I just like to think "remember that time I was in two hemispheres at once?  Good times.

Just realized: the shoes I wore?  Nike.  The flip-flops I love?  Nike.  I sometimes scare myself with all the unintentional brand loyalty I show.  Weird.

For the sake of variety

I was switching some things around with my comments, because there have been some issues, and I decided to change my template to... pretty much white.  Could I get any more boring?  I guess not.  Regardless, that's what I decided I liked best.

For those of you who haven't heard about my trip, which would actually officially be all of you, it went mostly as follows: From Wednesday the 1st through Wednesday the 9th we were in England.  We mostly bummed around in London, however, we took a trip to Oxford on Lord's Day, and a day trip to Paris on Tuesday.  There were five of us, which ended out working well, only minus the fact that most of the train cars have the four-chairs-facing-each-other thing, so we'd have to split up a bit on the trains.  What worked really well is that we were loud enough so that in the evenings, as we took the train back to our kindly hosts' house, we would sort of scare off the other passengers from our train car, so we'd have the whole car to ourselves.  That was pretty nifty.

Also, while in Oxford one of the girls bought a New Oxford Dictionary of Slang or some such thing and we happened upon the definition of "crusty," which meant a group of unwashed young people with very little money and no fixed place to stay, which we decided was pretty much us.  We had a place to stay, and we were fairly faithful with the showering, but we were sort of a pack of young people who had very little money, so it only made sense.   The picture you see is one of us counting our change one night on the train.  We were all very economical and would pinch pennies.  Literally, pennies.  Only, they're pence in England, and centime or something weird in France.

And that's all I have for you tonight.  Mostly: we had fun.  Also: we were kind of hobo-like at times.  Also: I miss foreign countries.  Also: I really like to be at home, too.

Beautiful Feet

I always thought the verse about how beautiful are thy feet with shoes was pretty weird.  If you have shoes on, you can't even see the feet, so what's the point?  Yes, I am one of those people.  The kind who hate shoes.  Honestly, the Lord made Adam and Eve coats of skin in the garden but it doesn't say anything about shoes, so maybe we shouldn't have to wear them?  Not to mention, the Lord told people to take their shoes off (actually, some people had maybe only one leg?  twice it tells people to take the shoe from the foot, not shoe from feet.  Maybe the Diddle Diddle Dumpling John had it right all along...)  on holy ground, so obviously shoes hamper something-er-other.

All that being said, you can imagine how difficult it was to promise one of my going-to-England-together friends that I wouldn't bring flip-flops on our journey.  I would have you know that it's suppose to be in the upper 50s while we're there, which to me seems like perfectly reasonable flip-flop weather.  Also, I don't even remember the last time I went on vacation without my trusty Nike flip-flops.  I don't know if you've ever had the pleasure of wearing such comfortable things on your feet, but if not, you're missing out.  Honestly, they are the most amazing things ever.  Like a hug for the foot.  And, speaking as someone who dislikes things to interfere with my foot-to-ground ratio, that's saying a lot.

I heard once that girls walk around the house in their first pair of heels, to practice walking.  I never did that, but what I have found myself doing this week is wearing a shoes a lot, just so I can get a feel for the whole feet-being-shod thing.  Allow me to say: ick.  Honestly, my feet just aren't happy in shoes.  But I've gotten a lot of practice, so hopefully next week I won't feel frantic about all the shoe-wearing I have to do.

Chiefly I regret saying that I wouldn't bring my flip-flops.  I think I'll try to renegotiate the terms of our arrangement.  I can... buy her a meal while we're there or something, as long as I can bring the shoes of my choice?

She's pretty much never going to go for that.  Sorrow.

Huzzah!

Not to make everyone jealous, but I just thought I should point out that in exactly three weeks I'll be in England, Lord willing.  We should be in Oxford on that Friday.

YAY!!

Ships, of the friend variety

Over the weekend I was thinking a lot about friendships.  I was in a place where usually I have several close friends, but this time didn't.  I had a lot of very good friends there, don't get me wrong, but none of the usuals.  But it was cool, because I got to spend more time than I might have with my other friends.

I think friendship is fascinating, quite honestly.  That once upon a time there was someone you didn't know, but over time got to know them well enough that, when asked you say, "Her?  She's definitely my friend!" 

This weekend I was having a moment that may or may not have involved some tears (most decidedly did involve tears, haha, but for a good cause: my brother would have been 25 years old and, well, you know) and a friend of mine was able to be there for me.  And it's not like I would have expected her to be weirded out by me randomly crying during a poorly-sung rendition of It Is Well or anything, but it made me so happy that she didn't turn away from the weirdly crying girl but instead put her arm around me and told me she was praying for me.

That was very cool.  A few years ago I didn't even know who she was.  This weekend she reached out to me when nobody else noticed I needed reaching.

So anyhow, I'm glad the Lord gives us friends.

Adios!

Dear 2010,

You were actually a really great year.  I must say, sometimes I wish I didn't have to learn so many lessons, and this past year was no exception, but in general, you treated me well.

I grew closer to my family, and I deepened my relationship with my friends and the Lord.  You can't really ask for more than that.  There were times when I was down, and days seemed long, and life seemed complicated (2011, I hope you're listening--I hate complications!), but the Lord was always there, providing.

Soon you'll be history, 2010, and, providing the Lord doesn't come first, we'll look back on you fondly.  So thanks for being willing to devote every single one of your 356 days to those of us who used them to enrich our memory banks.

Love,
Me

Give thanks!

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, ever. As much as I love National Grammar Day and Guy Fawkes Day, Thanksgiving tops the list, every time. First of all, it's a cozy holiday, secondly, it usually involves much family, and thirdly, it reminds me how much for which I have to be thankful. Dear prepositions, I wish I could use you at the end of sentences. Things would sound ever so much better.

Anyhow, we all know I'm thankful for my family, and my friends, but there's so much else! I'm thankful for the hope of the Lord's coming. May that hope never grow dim in my heart, may I never stop jumping! I'm thankful for the colors of creation, and for snow, and for purple flowers. I'm thankful for road trips, and speed limits that are 65 and above. I'm thankful for music, and singing, and friends with iPods. I'm thankful for the ability to travel, and for travel-sized bottles of shampoo, and for my Kindle. I'm thankful for regular-type books, and words, and the power to imagine. I'm thankful for sunshine, and the Hey Cow game, and for the Game of Three. I'm thankful for new friendships, and old ones, and ones that I don't even know about yet. I'm thankful for my Sunday School class, and for sleep, and for sleepovers on the roof. I'm thankful for the possibility of GFD11, and for Friendly Vacation, and for family meal times. I'm thankful for prayer, and for family Bible readings, and for the fact that my parents pray for me every single night. I'm thankful for my mom, who waves me off to work in the morning, and for my dad, who lets me be as strange as I need to be, and for my brother, who is one of my best friends, and for my younger sister, now my sister in two ways. I'm thankful for my 11 nieces and nephews, and the three wonderful sisters and three wonderful brothers-in-law whom I never see enough but love anyway. I'm thankful for the years I had with my older brother, and the relationship we had. I'm thankful for laughter that makes my side hurt and tears stream down my face, and for sorrow so sharp I can do nothing but cling to my Saviour. I'm thankful for the human ability to love, and hope, and keep believing. I'm thankful that my sins are washed by the precious blood of Christ, and that through Him I am a treasure, a child of worth. I'm thankful for health, and happiness, and comfort.

There's more. But... it's not even Thanksgiving yet. I'll save something for later.

PS I LOVE this holiday!

Reach

1 Corinthians 12 talks a lot about working together as the body of Christ, and at the end it talks about different positions and abilities that some of the members of the church there in Corinth had. Then, at the end of the chapter, it says, "covet earnestly the best gifts." It segues into chapter 13 (the love chapter, cue the sappy wedding music), but I've always sort of wondered about that last part. I've heard it discussed several times, that we should seek to do our best for the Lord, etc. (I'm sure I'm getting this all wrong, pardon my potential doctrinal errors), but I think it's a funny way of wording it, if you will, that we should covet the best gifts.

I've always sort of been that girl who wonders what she should do with her life. I always wonder if what I'm doing is all I should be doing. I feel strongly that I should be occupying until the Lord comes (it's been a while since I mentioned how much I'm looking forward to the Lord coming. So allow me to say it again: WOOHOO!!), but there don't seem to be specific guidelines in the Bible about what we're supposed to be doing.

I know that whatever my hand finds to do, I'm supposed to do it heartily, as unto the Lord. Sadly, this seems to include work. (Dear work, I don't seem to want to work heartily. Sigh.) I know I'm supposed to be living my life in such a manner that even under a microscope, people won't have something bad to say about Christians (yeah....), and that above all, I should keep Christ as my goal.

So, back to this whole "whatever my hand finds to do" thing. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'd love to really make the effort to reach out and do more. I'd love to cheer more people's days (I smile at people on the freeway on my way to work every morning. It might sound stalkerly, but people seem pleasantly surprised to see some very-clearly-singing-with-the-radio girl turn and give them a big ol' grin at 70 miles an hour), I'd love to be able to deepen my friendships (there are some people I've been "friends" with for years but am only now really getting to truly know them. You know who you are!), and reach out and make new friendships (I have a pen pal!! It was the most random pen-pal happening ever, that started with a random letter to a summer camp and a crudely-drawn family tree that bonded my new friend and I) (PS if you know other people who like to email and/or write letters (I hope to keep postal workers everywhere with enough work so that snail mail won't even have the option to die. Take that, email) then let me know, seriously, because, in case you haven't noticed, I love to write!) (also, I love parentheses. I have used too many today. Perhaps I should give up parentheses as my New Year's Resolution?) (Nah).

That was a long paragraph.

So anyhow, I just feel like as a Christian I can be doing more. More to encourage those that don't have the Light of Life living in their hearts, and more with other members of the Body of Christ. After all, the Lord is coming very soon. We might as well do the most with the time we have!

PS (or PPS? I guess I already used a PS in my post. Then again, can it really be a post script in the middle?) I clearly have had too much sugar today. There is no way a person without outside influence would be using such great quantities of parentheses. Or short sentences. La, la, la. Maybe I'll go hum, or dance a jig. Just kidding, I can't jig. (did anyone else ever think that Jiggy Nye, the bad-ish guy from the American Girl series Felicity, was a weird name? I did.) Or dance. Or stop writing, apparently. Maybe it's time to go bombard my friends with another round of long emails. Clearly I have a lot to say. =)

Peace, peace (when there is no peace)

I tend to be a person who follows after peace. What I mean by that is that I'm not exactly going to go around picking fights or angering folks at random. I hope. But sometimes my desire to smooth things over is a little extreme.

For instance, if I'm having difficulties with someone, I rarely tell them about it. Literally, almost never would I find myself waltzing up to someone and saying, "Yeah, um, I was offended that you didn't [fill in the blank]." And even with my close friends, whom I love, I don't find it comfortable to tell them that I'm upset about something. I know I'll get over it, so I just say, "Yeah, we're cool," even though NO. YOU'RE NOT.

So I have resolved to be more honest. With my friends, and myself, truth be told, because I say that I'm over something, and sometimes I'm not.

It just feels weird for me to acknowledge that I'm upset about something. I like to be more even-keeled than that. Yuck. But I'll try. For the sake of my friends who do me the honor of being honest with me, I'll extend that courtesy back their way.

Yay!

I'm leaving THIS week (Lord willing, obviously), for Europe! Yay!

I'm pretty well packed, but every day at work I keep thinking of things I still need to do or get. It makes me nervous, because I'm pretty sure I'll forget something. Thankfully, I'm traveling with my friends, and my one friend is pretty much the most ready of all people, having any and everything. Well, she used to be. We tease her because she doesn't necessarily have something on a moment's notice these days. Which is sad, obviously. But fine, because less luggage is less back strain.

So huzzah for Europe!

Sorry, I'm a little distracted and excited.

Out of mind

We all pretend we've put things behind us. But true forgiveness isn't all about really getting those things behind us, I don't think, but rather specifically acknowledging that the issue is done and truly forgiven. You can't just nod and smile and expect it to mean "We're good," but in order to really wash that slate, the more helpful thing to do is talk to the person and say, "Thanks for coming clean to me about stealing my rotary phone. I had a tough time when I realized it was you, but I realized that it was just an object, plus, we use cell phones now, so I just wanted to let you know I'm sorry I froze you out these last few days, and I absolutely forgive you."

I know, I know, it's more awkward to actually say the words, but in the long run, isn't it worth it? I know, for my part at least, that I always feel much better when I've actually talked through the issues with someone. Maybe I've wronged them--well, I'd rather talk to them instead of just secretly hoping they'll forgive and forget. It's tough to go through life just sort of assuming that EllenMae has forgiven me for that time I ruined her bridesmaid dress, but always secretly wondering why she shys away from we when I'm holding kool-aid. It's better to talk to her, to hear the forgiveness. At least, in my opinion.

I don't know, maybe you guys would rather avoid the awkward talk and move on. I certainly prefer not to have the awkward talk, but the relief of knowing that it's over is better, in my opinion.

Just something I was thinking about in my "spare time."