Talk about multi-purpose!

Is anybody getting tired of me talking about how much I've been cleaning my house?

Sorry about that.  Allow me to continue anyhow.

So, I used the miracle tub cleaner, and was like "Pinterest is beautiful and works and I love it and everything on it must work!"  Well, not quite, but I was more open to trying the cleaning tips that random people posted.  So I saw one about cleaning stove grates.  Well, ours are awful.  We have a fantastic kitchen, but my mother's one regret has always been our gas stove and how it's impossible to clean.  So I saw this tip about cleaning stove grates and thought, yay!  Finally a solution.

So I carefully did what it said.  Put a grate in a zip lock bag with some ammonia.  I let it sit for a long time and and then got excited because the ammonia took on a dark color and so I was like, "it worked!"


It didn't.


I scrubbed off the grate, and some of the gunk came off, but not all.

I'd go through the whole story, of putting the grate back in the bag with fresh ammonia like four times and still not getting them clean, but it was a lot of times, and not that fun of a story.  It was irksome.

I even used my miracle tub spray, just in case.

That didn't work.

I left them in a pan on the counter, sprayed with stuff, just hoping that something would react with the spray and somehow miraculously clean them.  I truly did this.  It worked for Alexander Fleming, and we all know that penicillin is truly a miracle.  I actually announced that nobody was supposed to move them, just hoping that something would drop into the pan and magically clean them.  Turns out, you can't usually manufacture scientific miracles.  Botheration.

Finally my mother and I brainstormed and decided to use some oven cleaner.  We had some in the basement that we for some reason never use, so I figured that since a stove is basically just an oven that has the misfortune of not having an enclosure for a home, it would work the same, right?

Actually... yes!

It took some patience, due to the unfortunate build-up on the stove, but this stuff worked like a charm.  The stove grates sparkle, the stove itself sparkles, and all is clean and beautiful.  The only snag was that the bottle of oven cleaner stopped working right when half the stove was cleaned and it was sorrowful because I wanted to finish.  Why was only half the stove cleaned?  Because I was leaving some elements open so we could still cook.  Eating is an important use for stoves.  So anyhow, my dad and I took the stove cleaner outside to try to fix it, and ended up killing the bottle and spraying oven cleaner all over the grass.  Which, incidentally, died within twelve hours.

In other news, we have a new weed killer.  My dad warned against a certain patch of weeds because he'd just sprayed it.  He made a joke about using oven cleaner which I laughed at, but he was totally serious.  He went out to the store and bought oven cleaner because he wanted to kill some weeds and knew for a fact that oven cleaner was really fast-acting.

It worked.  So this was really two birds with one stone.  The stove is beautifully clean, and our weeds are dead.

So if you're looking for a way to clean your stove, and/or kill your weeds?  Feel free to use the above information liberally.

Evolution. Pfft.

A few weeks ago I was picking up my newphew(ish) from school and I asked him what they'd learned that day.

"Oh, nothing really," he said.  His usual response.

Naturally, I always give him a hard time about learning nothing, so I badgered him for a little more information.

"Well," he mused after a minute, "they were talking about volcanoes.  That was cool, but they said that it was because of evolution.  Can you believe that, Auntie Jo?  Can you believe that my teacher believes in evolution?  The Bible even says it's not true!  And she thought it was real!"

Oh, childlike faith.  I hope he never loses that staunch faith in the Bible.  Not like I think he's at risk to, but as a child I tended to say "Bible says it?  Count me in!" but once people started asking for specific examples of something, I never knew what to say.  I remember giving someone a gospel tract when I was little.  Just sort of wandering by myself when we were at a historic village one day.  Anyhow, the person to whom I gave this tract asked me if I believed in the Bible.  Of COURSE I did!  I was probably eight or so, which was old enough to know that I believed in the Bible wholeheartedly, but as soon as this grownup started asking me about the flood, and about creation, and all sorts of specific things that he said weren't true, I had no idea what to say.

It was sort of traumatizing, actually.

To this day, I'm not sure why I was wandering by myself, nor do I know why that adult thought it was okay to start grilling me about my beliefs.  I guess I did give him a tract, so I sort of asked for it.  Details, details.

Anyhow, I smiled when I heard my nephew(ish) talk about the folly of evolution, because of course it's not true.  The Bible says otherwise!

Tru dat, my friend.  Tru dat.

My type of book

This is a photo from Guyana.  I'm sure you're jumping wildly about with excitement thinking, "Hot dog!  She's going to tell a story from that trip she took where she didn't tell us any stories?  She's finally thought of one?  And she's going to share it and show us that she loves her blog readers just as much/more than she loves her facebook friends, even though she usually dislikes facebook and loves Google, thereby we infer that she should love her (Google-powered) blog readers extra-much and eschew her facebook friends?  This is that time?"

Uh, no.  You should probably stop over-thinking things.  I still don't have Guyana stories.  And why would you use the expression "hot dog"?  That seems a little outdated.  Not like I'm judging you, I'm just pointing that out.

Now that it's established that this story doesn't actually relate to Guyana (except to say: this picture was taken in Guyana), allow me to continue.

This is a photograph of my brother and I, reading.  Is this unusual?  Indeed, it is not.  We tend to read all the time.  Stop light?  Time to read!  Family gathering gone long?  Book!  Airport?  Bound and printed is how I like my material, thanks.

So anyhow, we read.  The whole family, really.  My younger sister has a love/hate relationship with reading (I know, WHAT?  I just stop at the love/ and pretend that the slash is part of the word.  Oh me?  I have a loveslash relationship with reading.  You?) but recently I got her hooked on The Mysterious Benedict Society books, and she's nearly done with the four books (three plus the prequel) and she only started the series on Friday.  It makes me so proud.

Anyhow, the book she was reading in Guyana was some book published by Reader's Digest a while ago about the human body.  Seemed like a book I'd probably not rather read, though my brother and I both read books of my choosing while in Guyana, and they weren't exactly a laugh a minute.  I thought her book seemed sort of boring, she thought my books were boring.  Figure that.  You can't really see in the photo (see?  the picture actually has a purpose) but we're both reading books that you may not have perused yet.  Mine is called Just My Type, and his is called The Elegant Universe.

I have to go on record as saying that Just My Type was a quicker read than The Elegant Universe.  Just My Type was a book about fonts, and it was very well written.  The author went through the history of fonts ever since Gutenberg made them popular, and it even has a section on the interrobang.  My favorite ever.  The Elegant Universe is about the string theory, which I find quite interesting, however... it gets a little long.

Confession time.  I'm still not finished reading The Elegant Universe.  I got it out from the library around Easter time, but didn't have time to read it, so I returned it and got it out again before Guyana.  Seeing as my brother didn't think to bring a book (WHAT?) on the trip, I lent him mine, and I read my other book--the font book--and he read the string theory one.  He didn't finish it either.  But I still intend to finish it.  It really is a good book.  Honestly.  I actually laughed out loud in one part.

I'm such a nerd.

But anyhow, that's sort of my whole point in this story.  I sometimes weird myself out.  Here's the thing:  I (sadly) fall prey to reading Karen Kingsbury/Beverly Lewis/pick a Christian author and I've probably read a book by him/her thing.  But I've been trying to read more informative books and less pointlessness recently.  Not that I think there's something wrong with Christian fiction (I'm... not one of those people.  I understand that Philippians 4:8 says "whatsoever things are true," but I still read fiction, even in light of that), but sometimes I take stock of my life and think, "Hm.  I don't have a lot of education, but I do read.  So I should educate myself via words.  That much I can do."  So I read things like The Elegant Universe.

But I don't always like reading books like The Elegant Universe.  I get halfway through and think, "Brian.  Oh, Brian.  WHY ARE YOU ONLY NOW GETTING TO THE PART ABOUT STRING THEORY!?"  (May I just interject that this would be a perfect place for an interrobang?  Do you see why I miss it so much?  Seriously, I cannot believe that it didn't take!  It sorrows me!)  Because seriously, the author (Brian, in case you somehow missed that, and thought I fondly gave the actual book a name) spends the whole first half of the book discussing either the theory of general relativity or quantum mechanics.  I understand why he had to lay so much groundwork, but after a while it got to the point where I just wished he'd, well, get to the point.  So anyhow, when I'm halfway through such books, and furrowing my brow and making solemn promises to myself that no child of mine will ever have the name Brian I think what am I doing?

And then I get all guilty.  Am I reading nerdy books because I actually am tired of Karen Kingsbury and cohorts?  Or do I just like to read smart books because it's a nifty conversation starter?  Or do I just really like to learn things?  Am I being pretentious?  Does Brian Greene really have to go into so much detail?

Sorry.  That last question clearly isn't in relation to most books.

I just have to evaluate my motives every once in a while.  I've pretty much decided that I actually want to read the books, and I'm not just being pretentious.  Because I've tried having conversations about nerdy things, and it never works, and then I just feel awkward.  Actually, I take that back.  I have a cousin who actually understands the string theory.  I was talking to him about it, and I was like, "Sweet!  Give me the condensed version!  It'll save me from finishing the book I started!"  And... as it turns out, he doesn't have a condensed version.  It was rather lengthy, and just as we got to the actual string theory part (which is to say, he laid the groundwork, the part I've actually gotten through in the book I'm reading)... our conversation got cut off.

And he lives many hours away from me.

So now I have to finish my book.

Ugh.

Thing is, technically I could just read the wikipedia article about it and call it a day.  But... I'm obsessive.  I can't not finish a book I've started.  Actually, I've actually been able to not finish books in recent years, which I count as being a very grown-up thing to do, but it sort of hurts me.  And at this point I think I'll probably go crazy if I don't finish this book.  I've been working hard on it.

How did I start this topic?  Oh yes.  I saw the book on my dresser (conveniently under my stack of Bible, Kindle, and journal) and furrowed my eyebrows at it.  And figured that I would talk about it (a lot) in my blog, and maybe that would count as reading a few pages or something.

Doesn't usually work that way.  Sorrow.

In other news, I must disclaimer this message.  Thing is, these books are interesting.  I have learned a lot thus far in The Elegant Universe, and I learned a lot while reading Just My Type (the author is from England, so he talks a lot about the fonts they use on signs around London and stuff, and he would have photos of said signs in the book, and I would feel well-traveled because I'd seen those very signs.  Even though every person who's been to London or traveled even a few miles on the M1 has seen those signs, which technically makes it way less cool that I've seen them.  Though let's be honest.  It was cool that I'd seen those signs), but I must admit that neither author is a Christian.  The science book teaches evolution like it's a fact.  Scientists.  Pfft.  The font book casually references typographers traveling about with girlfriends.  Sinners.  Pfft.

Problems I didn't have with Karen Kingsbury, bless her heart.  (And I'm really not trying to pick on her.  She's just well known, thereby an easy reference point.)

Maybe the moral of the story is that I should finally buckle down and read Darby's synopsis.  My mother had read it by the time she was my age.  Virtuous woman.

Food for thought.

Suddenly I realize that I didn't have a point with this rather lengthy post.  So I'll make a point.

.

Haha, get it?  Periods are points.

I... need more sleep.

Things I Ought to Know

I decided the other day that instead of a bucket list, perhaps I should have a list of things I should know.  I mean, we should all know a great deal of things (I'm taking this wildly out of context, but as we all remember from Hosea 4:6, knowledge is kind of important.  Never reject it.  The verse obviously isn't talking about cumulonimbus clouds or anything, but I'm simply making the point that knowledge=important), plus, learn something new every day (my father would be so proud), but I feel like maybe I should have a list of things I should know/do/have.  And since I really do love lists quite a bit, I thought I'd turn my hypothetical musing into an actual list of things in no particular order.  I'm sure this isn't complete, but it's just sort of stuff that comes to mind.

Knitting.  I feel like every virtuous girl should be able to knit.  I... cannot.  Yet.  My friend Joy knows how, so maybe whenever I get around to visiting her, we can have a little session wherein she teaches me and I attempt to learn.

Have a cool vocabulary word.  My mom just found solidus the other day, which is basically a cooler/more intelligent-sounding word for, well, slash.  Good call, Muth.  I like to have a word and use it often enough so that I might never forget it.  Then I move on to a new one.  I tought everyone insouciant a while ago, just because I found it and it's swell.  I like to use words other than "like" and "um," though they do have their place.  Places.  Oh, and recently I was bringing back forsooth, and it sort of worked.  I have friends who use forsooth now.  I love it.

The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle.  I was determined to know what it meant, because I always get it confused with the Higgs Boson thing, and after a long time of seeing stuff about the God Particle in the news, I decided to set it to rights in my head which was which.  So far, I never remember what the Higgs Boson thing is all about, but when I remember, I review the Uncertainty Principle in my head, just for kicks.  "It's impossible to simultaneously find the position and velocity of a subatomic particle.  It's impossible to simultaneously find the position and velocity of a subatomic particle."  I don't even know if that's 100% correct, but I had to break it down into layman's terms so I could even figure out what the principle was about.  No wonder they're so uncertain.

Have a favorite verse.  I read a book recently where the girl claimed the "In all things we are more than conquerors" verse and would quote it about every other page.  Personally, I'm still working on finding one.  I have different verses for different occasions.  For instance, I have a whole selection of verses for morning times.  I have Rejoice Evermore on my wall by the postcards I collect from my cool vacations, so as to remind me that ever situation and place is rejoiceable.  I (mis)quote the second half of Matthew 26:41 when I work out.  I remind myself of the first part of 2 Cor. 12:15 when I'm doing someone else's work for them and I know I should have a better attitude about it.  I I have other verses for other occasions, but I won't expand tediously on this point.  This point being that no, I don't have an all-time favorite verse.  Yet.  Perhaps I never shall.  I just sort of have a bunch I use at different times.  But I feel like I should have One Really Special Verse For All Occasions.  We shall see.

Know something cool about science.  My dad knows a lot of stuff about stars and... other sky-related things.  He has made it a habit to utilize the tools we have available to us in this modern age and learn.  That's cool.  I decided a while ago to re-learn stuff about clouds.  When I was in sixth grade or thereabouts, I had to know the difference between the cirrus and cumulus and all those types of clouds.  I'm ashamed to say that I can't remember them any more.  So I have resolved to learn something really cool (what?  clouds are cool!) and retain it in my feeble memory.

Figure out the Bible chronologically speaking.  I'm not going to lie.  For as many times as I've read through those Old Testament books, I still get hung up on which prophet was around when which king was reigning, and when those Persians came into play, and who was doing what.  It's hard to get it straight.  So I've been working on having a better grasp of what comes when.

Hepygroga.  I had a teacher in school who used to refer to geography as "hepygroga," which is an anagram of geography.  Anyhow, his point was that when you don't know where things belong, it's much more difficult to sort things out in your head.  Much like a proper chronology of the Bible is bound to help me when I read the Bible, a proper idea of geography will help me as I hear/read/observe the world around me.  Honestly, I'm terrible at geography.  The other day we were discussing In Search of the Source (great book) and whether or not the book is set in Papua New Guinea, and I couldn't even remember where that was.  So yeah, I've got work to do.  Sometimes I go to Google Maps (or Google Earth, whichever), and just sort of scroll around the world, seeking where I might learn more.  There are a lot of countries.  Goodness.

Have better handwriting.  At the urging my sister, who gently (coughcoughornotsogentlycoughcough) told me that my handwriting isn't even at an 8th grade level, I started working on handwriting with my younger sister.  We practice for about a half hour a day.  It'll probably still be an 8th grade level (I am what I am, alas), but you know what?  I'm working on it.  I am trying.

When to speak up and when to shut up.  This one speaks for itself.

Know what a gerund is.  My mom does.  She knows all those things about participles and parenthetical clauses.  I think that's genius.  To me, a gerund is confusing.  How can it do so much stuff?  I mean, "ing"ing stuff is a good enough job description, so why overachieve and perform as a subject, object, or whatever else it does?

Imaginary numbers.  I am sorry to admit, that I was rather... questionable at math.  And then I got to the part about imaginary numbers, and I thought, "They're just MAKING THIS UP????????" and I stopped paying attention.  One day I should really go back and figure out what an imaginary number is.  Honestly, I couldn't even begin to tell you.  That's so shameful.

ROY G. BIV.  Because everyone should have a tried-and-true way to remember the rainbow colors.  I also use a little acrostic (That He Just Peter Loves Grapes... virtue, praise) to help me remember Philippians 4:8.  And I still sing the Books of the Bible song in my head to help me remember where to find Ezra and Nehemiah.  I find it not at all shameful to get a little help from time to time.

Learn the rules to a game.  I one time Do Hard Things by the Harris Twins, and they said to do things outside of your comfort zone, and especially do more than just the things that come naturally to you.  So, while I don't think it's at all important in the slightest to learn the rules to football or baseball or another sports-type game that I have zero interest in whatsoever, I figure that next time somebody tries to explain such rules to me, I'll pay attention and thank them for their time.

Know when it's appropriate to follow a recipe--or not.  I've gone over this before, but but I find it easier to not follow recipes.  I'm doing my best to actually follow recipes in earnest.  It's not very fun.  I feel sorry for methodical people.

Anyhow, I could think of more things to list about, but then next time any of you ask me about it ("What kind of cloud is that?  Oh, you don't know?  What happened to that list?") I'd rather have fewer items to feel obliged to learn.  So I shall end it with this paragraph upon which you are gazing now.  This is truly the end of this post.  Now I go forth and learn, my friends!

Oh, Romeo

Fact: I think the story of Romeo and Juliet is stupid. Fact: Taylor Swift's re-envisioning of the story doesn't really impress me. Fact: maybe it's just because I'm not hopelessly romantic enough, but the whole premise is insane.

You meet, fall in love, can't live without one another, and prove it by dying because you can't be together. Juliet, are you sure you knew this guy? It had only been a couple of days (hours?) before you decided you were in love with him. Romeo, you obviously had no concept of.... well, let's put it this way. Juliet was 13, you were probably not too much older, let's just say you were 17 or 18. You had your whole life in front of you, Romeo, but you chose to throw it all away over a girl barely in her teens. Seriously, mister, get real.

I know you both thought you were smart enough to have figured out the world and its many nuances, but the killing.... WHAT? Obviously you weren't saved, because I, for one, have so much more to live for! I have a life in Christ, and I like to think that I wouldn't throw that away over something as stupid as someone you hardly even knew.

In other news, I just read a news article that declared that it was actually scientifically proven that you can fall in love at first sight. Weird.

Treasures of the snow

Where I live, it snowed last night. Now, I figured it would snow at some point in late March/early April, as it always seems to, but I must admit to being not-so-pleasantly surprised when the snow came. It wasn't too bad (my mom measured at our house, I guess, and we got two inches), but it was all icy, and stuck to my car like crazy. Which was fine, except for the fact that it took about 10 minutes to scrub off my car this morning before work.

Obviously it reminded me of Job 38:22. "Hast thou entered into the treasures of the snow? Or hast thou seen the treasures of the hail...?" I know that word is hail, but I like to think that it's secretly about all forms of ice. There's just something about the sparkling world of ice that makes me feel like God made it specially for our enjoyment. He didn't have to give water the ability to freeze. I mean, He could have made science a whole lot different, if He'd chosen. But rather, He made water freeze into tiny droplets of promise. Light shines through the ice to reflect sunlight all around.

Funny how much I like winter once I know it's nearly finished.

Evidence

"Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."

I love that. The evidence of things not seen? I just like how it's worded. I've talked about faith before, we're all familiar with it, but somethings I just realize how incredible it is that we humans have the capacity to trust in things we don't see.

Everybody seems to think that believing in God is such a difficult task, because we can't see him. But we believe in wind. I can't see wind. We believe in cancer, and the natural eye can't typically see cancer. We believe in the far reaches of space, which we can't seem to find, no matter how hard we try. What makes God so different?

On a less-related note, a funny story.

My brother sneezed the other day at dinner and proceeded to tell us all that he liked to try and hold in his sneezes. I then informed him that when you hold in a sneeze you kill a bunch of brain cells. My family looked at me like I was crazy, at which point I spluttered, "No really, I read it in a science book or something!"

That's when my sister replied, "So you believe in evolution?"

Well spoken, sister mine.

Say what?

Sometimes I think I flunked out of Evolution one too many times. Last night at dinner, we were having a lively discussion of evolution (we have lively discussions regarding just about every subject, truth be told) and it turns out, I'm not smart enough to understand evolution after all. It all started when my brother brought up wolves, and how they're getting more dog-like as the years pass (darker fur, I guess), and little ol' me says something about evolution and breeding, and next thing I know, my dad's educating me about evolution, and how it "really" is just a series of complicated breeding patterns, after all.

I'd never really given it much thought, actually, about the process in and of itself. I usually get hung up at the very beginning of this totally nonsensical process, somewhere between the "big bang" and "protein soup" that we somehow all came out of.

But we weren't discussing that. My dad was trying to get through my thick skull the concept of advantages. As I currently understand it, evolution goes something like this: one generation gets the gene capable of creating a mutation, and a following generation gets the actual mutation, and if that sticks, then further generations get the actual change implemented within them.

But where I got hung up was the whole "if it sticks" part. I guess for the mutation to be passed along it has to have an advantage.

Here's where I asked such questions as "How does the body decide if it's an advantage or not? How does it know what to pass on?" And I'm pretty sure my parents decided right then and there that I must have flunked out of comprehensive thinking, as well.

Anyhow, I guess the advantage causes the newly mutated creature to live long enough to pass along their genes to the next generation. Oh. How was I supposed to know?

I guess that doesn't sound like a very big discovery, but it took about an hour and a half for me to understand all of that.

Well, most of our suppers take an hour and a half (eating, talking, and Bible reading all combined), but this one seemed extra long, due to the high level of confusion on my part. The only parts I understood for the first hour or so was our discussion of bacterial flagellum, thanks to some science-y video I saw that was somewhere along the lines of this.

When all was said and done, all I could do was thank the Lord that I know I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I was created by the Lord, and His handiwork is all over me. I'm not the product of some random mutation, I am a work of art.

Now, isn't that a whole lot better?

PS, I'm not saying that mutations don't happen in people (I mean, we've got all those hereditary diseases that the Lord sure didn't program into us), I'm just saying that we're not the product of cells mutating into frogs, and frogs into raccoons, and raccoons to monkeys, and monkeys into humans. I come from a long line (6,000 years or so) of humans. We started out this way, people, and we're messed up only because of sin. We're not upgrading as we go along. Seriously.