All or nothing

This past weekend I learned a lot. It was a good weekend. One of the things that was excellent and garnered much discussion amongst the circle I run with was some discussion about giving your all to the Lord. The example used was that nobody would ever dream of talking about getting married and say, "Yeah, I'll pledge myself to this person 85%" or even 99%, truth be told. Marriage is supposed to be a 100% effort from both parties, and it seems absurd to think of someone promising just a portion of themself to their spouse-to-be.

But... really? Isn't that what we do to the Lord? We say we'll serve Him, and we do, but... only on our terms. We want to serve him with the part of ourselves we have left after we're done catering to our our whims. The Lord (obviously) deserves more than a half-hearted effort on our part to be His. He wants us, heart and soul, in entirety.

It's easy to want that. To want that relationship with the Lord, where all burdens, all decisions, all choices, are placed on the altar before Him. But when it comes down to it, we're mostly not willing to go that far. To give every aspect of our lives over to the Lord, to leave nothing for ourselves. It takes a complete willingness to give control. A complete willingness to surrender all. I love that hymn, "I surrender all" but when it comes down to it, I'm not able to say that I truly have surrendered my all.

I'm not my own, I'm bought with a price, but for some reason it wrongly feels like a price, rather than a privilege, to give back.

"Love will come to save us, if we'll only call, He will ask nothing of us, but demand we give our all." Lyrics from a great song from the Fireproof movie. They seemed quite fitting for my current thoughts.

And that's all. For now.

The Waiting Game

We play many games. Twister. Dating. Monopoly. Some games we like (Guess Who?, Scrabble, Bejeweled) and some we don't (... Monopoly and dating are two that come immediately to mind). And a lot of parts of life we refer to as games that probably aren't (for instance, dating. Not really a game. I just get tired of what I call "the dating game" amongst youngsters who treat it carelessly, hence the less-than-fuzzy feelings I'm feeling towards it right now), like, for instance, waiting.

We all wait for this or that. Some people wait for the mail, some people wait for a kind word, some wait for a grandchild, and some wait for the eyebrows to grow back. All kinds of things. But I was thinking about waiting last night, as I was listening to Air1 (they have some crazy songs, but I like them mostly). They played a song called "For Those Who Wait" and it's by a band called Fireflight. Now, I'm not wholly certain what the song is about (though it did have words about a "waiting game" which is why I'm suddenly calling waiting a game), but I think it mostly has to do with waiting on the Lord. I think. I don't know. I was driving, and sometimes I pay attention to the road instead of the music. Weird, I know.

Anyhow, the bridge of the song went along the lines of "the pressures make us stronger, the lessons make the difference, the struggle makes us hunger." Something. I guess I could look up the lyrics. No, I'm feeling lazy.

As much as we don't want to wait, it's so helpful for us to wait. And there are so many helpful, and healthy things we can do while waiting (again, this waiting is for anything, be it the pizza delivery guy, that upcoming concert, or for your passport to come). And I think that's the way it was designed to be.

Do you remember the story where Saul was waiting for Samuel to come, but he didn't show up for a whole week, so Saul just sort of up and did some sacrifices, and then when Samuel came (like five minutes later, of course), he confronted Saul about he'd stepped out of bounds and done the sacrifices himself. Well, Saul's answer was that he felt obliged to for a bunch of reasons (the bad guys would get him, the people were scattering), so he just did it.

Please note, I am not an exact translation. Thank you.

So anyhow, Saul just didn't want to wait. So he didn't. And I don't blame him, in a certain sense. I mean, how many of us would just wait patiently for an entire week?! If someone says they'll be at the bus station on Friday, I'm not just going to sit around and wait for him for a whole week, you know? I'd be those people, scattering, and I'd probably be Saul, just taking charge and doing the sacrifices for lack of someone better to do them.

Woe is me. What a terrible attitude! They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary, they shall walk, and not faint.

If you want a list of verses about waiting, see Mrs. B's blog for a very good post on the subject.

There's another song (I'm really into this song thing today, hope that doesn't bother anybody) by John Waller called "While I'm Waiting" and it was used in the Fireproof soundtrack (great movie, great soundtrack) and I love listening to it. It just brings to mind that while we're waiting, we should be hopeful, and serving, and patient. "I'm waiting on you, Lord, though it is painful, I will wait."

That's the sort of attitude with which I want to wait.

Dear Twilight

Dear Twilight,

I know most people love you, and your many books and movies, but some of us are tired of you. I hope you don't think it's rude of me to admit this, but I'm through. When grown women spend time telling people (who don't care) about why they picked Team Jacob, or Team Edward, it's time to take a step back and realize that you're kind of a time waster.

Not to mention the fact that since all the books have been written, these women can't really choose how it ends. I just wanted to point that out.

Also, Twilight, I really wish you'd picked people for your films who didn't look so perpetually unhappy. I realize that since the whole point of your movie and book franchise is, well, dead people, then perhaps you felt like you didn't have a choice, but I think you did. While I've never seen your movies, or read your books, I do bump into you kind of a lot. In fact, Twilight, I see your posters everywhere I go (and that includes all of my favorite bookstores, which feels like kind of a desecration, if you ask me).

When I see these unhappy-looking people you've chosen to portray whatever you're portraying, I can't help but think, "Dude, you obviously need to get saved." "Girl-who-apparently-plays-super-whiny-teenager, you also need to get saved." While I don't doubt that they do need to get saved, I just think it's sad that they look so unsatisfied with their lives. This is why I pray for them.

But that doesn't mean I endorse you, Twilight. In fact, if there's such a thing as publicly not endorsing something, this is what I'm doing.

Also, bumper stickers. REALLY? ON CARS? I feel that there are many more useful phrases I could read on my way home from work, and reading about you was unexpected in a bad way.

So Twilight, this is me, respectfully requesting to not be your pen-pal.

Jo

Patience

Has anyone ever read or watched Character Builder books from the Agapeland people? Because when I was a nanny I used to watch the little dramatized book versions thereof, and sometimes I think back to those and consider what good lessons they are.

For instance, right now, I'm not finding much in the way of patience. I'm actually a little irritable, to tell the truth, and I keep thinking of those Agapeland lessons and pondering that I should be more like a little child.

(Side note: I have been solidified in everyone's minds as a little child, but I'm talking more spiritually than mentally.)

I need to view things and actually think, first off, "What would Jesus do?" I need to think, "But I should love everybody!" I need to want to share, not just feel obliged.

Oh for the traits of a little child.

Back to Up

I mentioned the Disney/Pixar movie Up a few weeks ago, and I was pondering it the other day. And today, I guess.

A fact about me: I'm not romantically attached to anybody in any particular way. Thankfully. =) One day I might be ready. Moving on.

So here's the deal: sometimes I wonder if love is worth it. That quote from Tennyson, the one that goes, "'Tis better to have lost and lost/ than to have never loved at all," always struck a nerve with me, if that makes any sense. Sometimes I'm convinced that love isn't worth it. First, look at the percentages of marriages that don't last. Oh, and pause and consider the number of marriages that have lasted, but as a technicality, because the marriage itself hasn't held up internally. Then consider the people who aren't in marriages yet have crummy relationships.

And that's just marriage. Don't get me started on the games people play before they get to that point.

Sure, marriage seems scary and like a lot of work. This much we all recognize. But what scares me worse than that is the thought that one day, after you've worked through the agonizing parts, and come out stronger on the other side, blah blah blah, if the Lord doesn't come... well, that spouse (or you, whichever) is going to die. Raptured or dead, those are the only options. Doesn't that sound cynical? News flash, I am sort of cynical.

So we've determined that I'm cynical and that marriage seems big and scary. What does this have to do with Up?

For those who have seen the movie, they will immediately remember the first 11 minutes of the film, wherein a touching story is shown of the life of Carl and Ellie, a couple who went through a lot (death of a child=supposedly one of the worst things that can happen to a person, though I don't know from personal experience), and lived life to the fullest. Until Ellie died. Bummer.

But it was so sad! And even at the end of the movie, when I knew that Carl was happy and hanging out with his newest pal Russell, it was sad, because I knew that for every day Carl was enjoying his favorite activities with Russell, it must have hurt him, because those were Ellie's favorite places, too.

Odd to consider this in such depth, but I'm sort of an odd duck.

So there we have it. Loving and losing sounds frightening. Everyone says it's worth it, but this girl needs a little more convincing.

You raise me UP

So maybe this is lame, but I happened to see "Up" the Disney/Pixar movie, not that long ago, and I just want to go on record as saying that I mostly loved it.

I hadn't heard very good things about it, I'd heard that it was too scary, and that there wasn't enough talking. Huh. Well, by the time I was ten minutes into the movie, I was bawling my eyes out. There were times I thought it got too scary for children, but this is why children shouldn't see movies like this. Small children should still be watching "Tinker Bell's Big Day at the Zoo" or something like that. But, back to Up.

I thought the story was one of the best in terms of emotional plots from a kid's movie I'd seen in a while. Carl and Ellie's story was one of the best I'd seen in terms of married cartoons. Seriously.

I could wax on and on about the merits and demerits of this movie, but I'll spare you all. Suffice it to say that I found yet another movie I approved of. Good work, Pixar.

Lose my soul

I was watching the music video for TobyMac's song, Lose My Soul, the other day. And, while I like the song, I think it's only fair to share that I didn't really understand the music video. Yes, yes, I got the part about the guy NOT killing himself (deciding he didn't want to lose his soul, I can only assume), but everything else? No clue.

For instance, I was sorry that the lady had to sell her wedding band, but was that showing that she was losing her soul? gaining the world? I couldn't figure it out. And the guys who stole the computer? What was that? Gaining the world? Because it didn't really fit in with the story. For a second I thought maybe the pawn shop guy was the one who was gaining the world/losing his soul. But I think he was a good guy. He admired the wedding band, and seemed to pay a good price, plus he smiled when the guy returned the gun without killing himself. That was... nice.

This is why I sometimes thing I should stick with hymns. They, at least make sense. Modern music, or whatever we call it, rarely does. For instance, I really like the new TobyMac song City On Our Knees, but I don't really understand it. Why are the sinners and saints meeting, and what are they doing? and if those sinners are truly sinners, then I'm sorry, but they're not coming to the city with One King without some serious Salvation. But I agreed with his general point of starting now and here. I mean, I agree, providing he's talking about evangelizing or something. Like I said, I'm really not sure what he's getting at in that song.

But I think it's about evangelism, since he talks about third-world missions and stepping across the line. I've been thinking a lot recently about how little I evangelize, and it's been driving me crazy, my lack of evangelism-motivation.

So, here's hoping that when Toby is singing "we are one choice from together," what's he's saying is that if I get you saved, we'll be together forever. And then we can be family. That's cool with me, my friend. Getting saved is about the most glorious display we can find on earth. So maybe Toby knows what he's singing about, after all.