The Bumbetoes

One of my favorite story books when I was a child was one called The Bumbletoes. My grandma had it from when she was a child, and it was the only fictional book she and her siblings were ever allowed to own. The book went missing for about ten years, so the details were getting foggy. There was something about a castle, a picnic situation, and Buttonsboy kept on saying "Right ho."

But we found it recently, much to our delight, and it was one of the few things I asked for from my grandmother's house after she passed away... and I got it! The book is over a hundred years old now, and has been in the family for more than 90 years, according to the inscription in the front page. "Five little H_____'s, from Uncle Herbert, Jan. 1918." Magnificent in beat-up-ness, brilliant in verse, and clever (yet vaguely frightening) pictures is what makes the book what it is.

The basic story is that The Bumbletoes (little odd-looking, alien-type fellows) decide that they're not content being at home, they're wanting to travel. And they want to take Buttonsboy and Belinda, because Buttonsboy is their friend, I guess, and "a girl can cook or trim a hat."

With all that out of the way, the travelers travel forth. They go by boat, get seasick, and stop for a picnic lunch, made especially sweet by "Sally Luns, those best of buns" which "cheer each drooping heart." Now comes my favorite part of the whole book. Pardon the long quote.

As if from subterranean depths,
A Growl comes to their ears,
And round the corner of a rock
A Big Black Bear appears.

Now fly the Bumbletoes, with speed
That only fear can lend:
Alone now stands the Buttonsboy
Belinda to defend.
No help is near, no weapons sure,
Nor pistol, sword, nor gun--
With courage born of great despair,
He throws the deadly Bun.

Not often for such courage rare
Such swift reward is found--
The Bear before that fearful blow
Lies dead upon the ground:
Belinda laughs at perils past,
The others do the same,
Congratulating Buttonsboy
Upon his careful aim.

After the nearly ill-fated picnic, they set off again, see a castle in the distance, and are welcomed warmly by the residents of the castle, only to discover that they are merely being imprisoned. The Bumbletoes dissolve in tears, "'All, all is lost,'" they cry, 'Give us a foot or so of floor, We'll lay us down and die.'"

Belinda has an interesting take on matters as well (if it weren't for the bun killing the bear episode, this would be my favorite part of the book, hands down). "'Oh! Buttonsboy,' Belinda says, 'Although I'm not a man, and have not intellect enough to think out any plan, I grasp the prospect is not one we're likely to enjoy--I think we needn't quite despair!' 'Righto!' said Buttonsboy."

Now tell me, isn't that the funniest thing ever? I have not intellect enough to think out any plan? Best part is, the book was written by a duo of sisters, Millicent and Githa Sowerby. We are forever thankful that they felt they had intellect enough to write and illustrate a book that should be a classic in its own rite.

The Bumbletoes and Buttonsboy are put to work, growing pale and thin and having no time for sleep or play. These weren't the adventures they were looking for, I'll tell you that. Belinda, being a girl "now must sew and cook, and bustle all she can," because apparently bustling is an actual thing to do. The things you learn while reading.

Anyhow, all is saved when a Donkey falls in love with Belinda (at which point we realize that maybe Belinda and Buttonsboy were brother and sister and not marriageable-type playmates after all). After declaring his love for Belinda, the Donkey makes this Darcy-worthy impassioned speech.

My stand is only made of wood,
My voice is best unheard,
My tail is short--I know full well
That I was born absurd;
But oh! I'd perish for your sake,
I'd give up carrots too,
Nor touch another blade of grass,
And all for love of you.

How touching. Eventually "love lends him brains to form a simply brilliant plan" wherein he brings poppy seeds to Belinda, who bakes them into an apple pie that is a "culinary art." Everyone from the castle loves the pie (the very large pie, the largest pie Belinda could have possibly made) and they all eat it and simultaneously fall into a deep sleep. The Donkey steals the keys from the sleeping key-holder dude, and they all escape.

It's a good thing they have the Donkey with them (you didn't think Belinda was going to leave him behind, did you?) because once they realize that they'll never make it to the coast by walking on their feet, the "helpful Donkey cries 'You'll have to ride, of course, and as a cow is rather slow you'd better try a horse!" The Bumbletoes catch a non-broken-in horse, somehow managing to ride it off into the sunset, because by this point everyone in the castle woke up sort of angry over the situation and were chasing them.

It gets worse. The castle folk are coming ever-closer and since our travelers "have no guns, not even buns, they cannot turn and fight" they end up taking out their pocket-knives cutting most of the way through a wooden bridge the castle-folk will have to cross to reach them, and waiting for the bad castle-folk to walk out on the bridge (all at once, mind you) and the bridge falls apart. Naturally, the castle-folk "Hang for a moment in the air--then scatter far and wide. Down, down they fall, and one and all are sunk beneath the tide." But the book hastens to assure us that the evil folk manage to make it out alive and come to the coast just in time to watch the friends put out to sea. Belinda got to man the wheel, actually, so I guess even though she couldn't form intelligent plans, she was able to be some good.

They get home safe and sound, but best of all:

No more their restless spirits long
In distant lands to roam;
While ways are steep and seas are deep,
It's best to stay at home.

Oh, and there's a picture at the end of Belinda watering some flowers standing in front of a cave-like dwelling with a sign "At Home" on it.

So remember this, good friends. 'Tis always best to be "at home."