Misspeaks

Last night 'round the dinner table we were remembering some particularly funny times when someone has been reading the Bible and spoke amiss. My all-time favorite was when my little sister was just learning how to read and we were reading the parable of the guy who sent his only son and she said, "This is the hair; come, let us kill him, and let us squeeze on his inheritance." And I just laughed. Nobody else remembers, but I wrote a note in my Bible, and every time I come across it I just have to laugh.

Then, of course, were the time when we'd have Bible study at our house for the neighbourhood teens, and every once in a while they'd say something funny. Like once my dad asked what "swine" were (parable of the prodigal son) and one girl said, "they're those, like, pretty white birds?" No, no, those are swans.

At Sunday School once a boy whom I've always thought of as pretty with it was asked what a "pardon" was. "A.... squirrel?" No, Lorenzo, that's not it.

Back to the dinner table. Once, when my grandma was still with us, she was at our house for breakfast and our family reading happened to be in Matthew 11. My grandma wasn't paying much attention (being 93 will do that to you), and so when it came time for her to read she didn't know where we were. So my mom, being ever helpful, started out the verse for her and pointed her in the right direction. "Woe unto thee, Mummy," she said, hoping that my grandma would pick up from there.

So my grandma repeated after her. Verbatim.

"Woe unto thee, Mummy."

We all cracked up, and my poor grandma didn't understand why we thought it was funny. Needless to say, I can't ever seem to read about Chorazin without remembering my dear grandmother saying, "Woe unto thee, Mummy."

I remember someone once mis-reading loaves and fishes as "loaves and smishes." Two words: Church. Giggles.