Thursday, March 15, 2012

Gross food (and other reasons I'm glad I'm not an OT prophet)

I'm reading through the prophets right now.  I do love the prophet part of the Bible--always a little eyebrow-raising, not to mention that prophetically I often don't know what's going on, and generally I have no idea if things like "the tower of Syene" are important--and all the extra question marks compel me to do extra homework, which is sort of fun.  Mostly because I'm a nerd and I like to do fun research.  But I was thinking the other day:  I love reading the prophets, but is it because I like to learn from them, or because it's sort of like watching a train wreck?  I know stuff is crazy and I feel undeniably sorry for those prophets, but I just can't seem to look away. So bear with me as I ponder some of the many, many, many reasons why I think being an OT prophet was pretty much the least desirable job.  Ever.

Gross food.  I know I've referenced Ezekiel 4 in my blog in times past, as being wildly misunderstood by my brother and I for way too long, but seriously, regardless of the fuel, or the ingredients of Ezekiel's bread (sorry, but any combination of lentils, millet, barley, etc. sounds gross to me), the fact that he had to eat it for more than a year is enough to make me dislike it out of hand.  There's nothing that could possibly be desirable after more than a year of intake.  Sorry, Ezekiel.

Indecent exposure.  Dear Isaiah had a very strange assignment.  Although the barefoot part sounds reasonable (those would be some serious callouses, though, after three whole years of barefootedness!), the zero clothes is just weird.  Those prophets were really willing to do whatever the Lord asked of them.  Hard core is the word that comes to mind.

Arranged marriage.  Honestly, marriage is already a somewhat tricky business, but for the Lord to ask Hosea to take Gomer to wife to be a picture of Israel?  Yikes.  There is almost nothing happy about poor Hosea's story.

The opposite of marriage.  Ever wonder why there aren't any Biblical fiction books about Daniel like there are about King David and Isaac and Rebekah?  One word.  Eunuch.  I'm sorry, Daniel.

The occasional no-tears policy.  We all know Jeremiah as the weeping prophet, but what about poor Ezekiel, who couldn't even cry when his wife died?  That's just... depressing.

Doom and gloom.  I'm not going to cite anything specific, because we all have read the verses about blood flowing in the streets and pestilence and ripping up women with children.  Suffice it to say, I can't imagine that the prophets slept very well at night.

Time fails me to tell of miry pits, tales of captivity, and disturbing visions.  I'm sure you all agree that happiness abounds in the thought of not being a prophet. 

I'm guessing that's a pretty common rejoicement amongst most people who don't live in the Old Testament.

1 comment:

Maranatha said...

I would never have thought of this before...but you've created a really good outline. Thank the Lord, I am who I am :)